The Chaos within has been proven!

I need not boast over the title of my blog but as I was watching TV the other day a program came on the air that showed proof from actual politicians and experts of how corrupt and chaotic Athens has become since 2004. They showed pictures and cost statistics from that year and compared it to today. I don't have to go into details with regard to the numbers or conditions that were shown, but the truth speaks for itself. The deplorable cesspool that we call Greece has become the black sheep of Europe and has financial experts worried if it will hold out and remain a part of the EuroZone. There was a poignant testimonial from a young law student who highlighted the superior remuneration packages that students get when they start working abroad(outside Greece) after they graduate. He swore that when he finished his studies he would never return back to Greece to find work. And this brings us to our next controversial topic in our conversation, which has to do with the standard of living here in Greece. Aside from the low compensation packages that Greek employers offer the government's debt is so tremendous that they have nothing to spend on fixing up the messhole(environmental issues, etc.) that they've created from their ceaseless borrowing tactics. Anyway, I honestly hope that in some miraculous way we wake up and start making the necessary changes that are needed in order to make our 'home' more livable(for ourselves) and hospitable(for foreigners), or else I don't see much hope for Greece in the years to come. Everyone on that program was saying that things are going from bad to worse. If that's the case I can only predict that the population will start decreasing(mass exodus of people seeking refuge) since only those with strong roots(family businesses that have lasted for generations) will make it alive.

The 'Look-you-up-and-down-Body-language' Syndrome

First impressions means everything here in Greece. Before you even approach someone or greet someone they'll already have judged you based on your appearance. Greeks have this marvelous gift with their eyes called, "probe-scanning." I came up with that term myself. They'll look you up and down and not give a care in the world if you feel somewhat uncomfortable by their uncalled for innuendos. One indication of this is when they bluntly make a public mockery of you by implying something about your weight or your age. They'll usually ask questions like: "Boy! Did you gain weight? I remember you being lighter." Or, "Wow! you're growing some gray hairs; what are you 50 yrs. old?(when their age in actuality is about a decade younger)" If you've had a similar experience or would like to add something additional to this post, I'm all ears.

The 'Ugly-face-billboard-and-poster' Syndrome

If you've ever been out driving or walking in the streets of Athens -which obviously you have if you live here- one trademark that you'll see advertised on billboards is the zoomed-in snapshot of some guy's mug(face). Usually they're either individualized or with a group of people. Typically they portray a singer or a performer of some kind who will play at a concert sometime in the near future. Most of the mugshots of those who are being shown publicly are ordinary looking people like you and me; but some of them are just outright uncalled for. OK, I admit it, I've gone a bit overboard with the picture to the left, but I have seen some that come pretty close. Those that you'll see most often typify what I like to call the "John Gotti" look(as you can see from the photo to the right).
It symbolizes quite well the scandalous and fraudulent minded Greeks rather well -not only in their dealings with others but in their looks as well- since that's what they've made known to everyone through advertisements and by word of mouth. Their peculiar gaze helps you see right through them, and their gritty smiles reveals their coarseness. From a physical perspective they mostly display someone with unsymmetrical features(a thick brow area) and with a pair of teeth that definitely need some major dental work. That's why most graffiti artists do them the favor by blackening out some of their teeth and making them look even uglier. I believe these advertisements are a deterrent to tourists and to those who are visiting on business.

The sure way to rid yourself of any Greek-related stress

Have you ever been taken advantage of by the cannibalistic clutches of the so-called "social justice" system?

Were you ever deceived by someone pretending that he/she was really somebody else and then later to discover that you were scammed into it for the money?

Did you ever get your blood sucked out of you from a jealous blood-thirsty, fraudelnt-minded Greek(figuratively speaking)?

Did you ever get tossed around like some meaningless toy when all you wanted to do was follow what the other person had said to you - knowing full well that it was his/her job to know what he/she was saying to you?

Were you ever lied to to the point where it got you sick realizing that no matter how much you told the other person that he/she was doing so, they kept doing it anyway?

Tired of the typical idiosyncratic obliviousness; and, the eccentric foibles that tend to get under your skin?

Tired of being bamboozled out of your wits?

If your answer to any one of these questions was a resounding "YES" and you would like to let us know your experience, then you can 'vent off' your anger, stress, or whatever feeling it is that you still hold against the person/system by commenting below. Or, you can also navigate to a particular "syndrome" in the 'Archive' section to the left, and whatever is of interest to you just post your own views on what I've already stated.

Whether it be your daily trip to the supermarket or at work I'm sure we've all experienced some form of tension that has left us weak at the knees. Well it's time to step up to the plate and let it all out. If not for the sake of the Greek people at least to let our messages be inscribed here, and for our well-being.

In order for there to be no misunderstandings about the subject matter in which I write, the "Read Me" button at the top(next to home) goes into detail about what the purpose of this blog is, and how to use it. Since there might be some confusing terminology to a few of you, I've outlined some terms and background information that you will need to know as I continue to update this blog. Have fun!

The 'Prostitute-home-way-of-functioning' Syndrome

A Greek friend of mine told me to write a syndrome with this topic in mind so don't feel offended by the explicitness of the title. Actually the word in Greek - 'Bourdelo'- is less offensive since it is used more synonymously with everyday living. I'm not sure of the actual etymology of the word, but it definitely doesn't carry with it the same implications as is true of its English equivalent. Anyway, according to my friend's opinion -since I casually interviewed him for this piece- the single most intrinsically captivating word that encompasses the ins and outs of Greece's infrastructure and the methods in which things get done would have to be non other than 'Bourdelo.' If you try to picture in your mind what actually goes on in a prostitute home -in a Greek prostitute home- you can pretty much sum up the systemic conditions within every working sector/class as nothing more than deplorable - not that I've ever been in one(bourdelo), but I'm just saying it with the intent of having people use their mind's eye or the power of their imagination.
Take for instance the incendiary fires that keep cropping up almost every summer. It's funny how everybody will tell you the reason as to why these property-hungry arsonists will tear down thousands of acres of wildlife destroying oxygen rich air and entire ecosystems with their fire-frenzied demolition mentality, but on the other hand they'll sit back and not even lift a finger to do something about it. I guess they're content with the way things are and how "permissive" the government is in allowing it to happen. Perhaps they're waiting their turn to light a match and make their dream come true, while on the other hand, they unleash a nightmare that will leave a scar on the earth's surface and kill thousands of animals. But, who's to care? I assume they like living in their 'Bourdelo', without a conscious and without any accountability. All I wish is that those who start fires and burn things out of existence also burn and die in the same manner. That's just one aspect of the 'bourdelo' system here in Greece; there are countless more that I've mentioned before and will soon bear to light.

The 'Open-and-try-first-and-maybe-buy-later' Syndrome

If you've ever gone shopping in a super-market or any other commercial store I'm sure you'll have observed what I'm about to provide testimony to. And yes, this has happened to me on more than 10 occasions or else I wouldn't be writing to you about it. I'm not saying that this sort of behavior occurs all the time, but for those that have come across it and can relate in some way to what I'm about to recount, then maybe my observations do have some credibility to them. Anyway, this type of animal-like behavior mostly occurs in the supermarket isle where you'll find all sorts of sweets and other tasty goodies(i.e. chips, chocolates, etc.). The most vivid account that I remember was when I actually caught him in the act.
Oblivious as he was to his surroundings, I don't think he minded me being there while he opened the bag of chips. He took a handful and stuffed it in his mouth. The left over pieces were either hanging around his mouth or falling down on the floor next to him, creating a small carpet of chips all around him. After he had enough he threw it back on the rack and walked on as if he had done nothing out of the ordinary. I stood there starring at the open bag wondering if anyone else had seen him. But guessing from the lack of alarm on people's faces I suppose nobody really gave a dam. All the other 'I-make-my-own-samples' scenarios had already occurred, so the only thing that I witnessed was the aftermath of their breadcrumb trail. The part where all you saw was either the opened bag of chips or the half eaten candy bar.

The 'Ability-to-philosophize-about-any-topic' Syndrome

Pick a subject and I'll show you a Greek who can rip it apart for hours on end without even taking a break between thoughts. It's as if their brains are hard-wired to some collective mind link that gives them their insidious gift of 'tongue-and-hand.' They can tongue lash at it until it turns bloody red, and then use they're 'kung-fu-hand-gestures' to chop it to pieces. They feel they have assimilated all of the knowledge that the world possesses; and have interpreted it in their own unique special kind of way - a way that can only be comprehended by them or someone with whom they've assimilated into their mind link. They don't tell you this upfront but you can easily discern it when they start doing what you see in the picture(the one to the left of the statue). They look down on you like you're some measly ant looking for their guidance.
Just like Socrates was found guilty of corrupting the minds of the youth of Athens and sentenced to death by drinking the conium, so too should those who by their very nature corrupt the fabric that holds the structure of society in order. However, Socrates stood for something more and spoke against the injustices that he saw within the government, and because of his persistence he was considered like a gadfly to them. The reason I brought out the contrasting example of Socrates is so that we can see how two opposing philosophical trends have diverged - the one being mostly made up of the humble ignorant and the other of the arrogant omniscient. I don't think I need to elaborate on who's who - I believe the reader can differentiate between the two.

The 'I'm 40 and I'm still living with my folks' Syndrome

I can't begin to tell you on how many occasions I've seen it, and yet every time the same scenario continues to ring true without any particular form of embarrassment for the protagonist in our story. I'll elaborate more on the embarrassment portion toward the end of our story, but for now just sit back and read as I try to add a little fiction to this real-life scenario. The Greek fledgling -or protagonist- in our story will proudly bear the name, "Ahortaggomahos." His mission in life -if he chooses to accept it or not- is to try to fight off the abominable conditions and surrounding enemies that his 'Spartacus-like' parents try to train him for. Their graceful mastery of the arts do well in equipping him to ward off many potentially fatal pitfalls. Since they have been tempered for years in the heat of battle they seem to know well the enemy that continues to ostensibly grow in strength and numbers.
As the years passed, Ahortaggomahos eventually started to mature in strength and mind, and showed a fighting spirit that became known to many nearby villagers. His deeds and noble acts were continually recorded in his family's 'book-of-chronicled-acts', something that was passed on from generation to generation and which all families in Greece possessed. It was kept for posterity and to uphold the traditional values that set each family's heritage apart from the rest; because let's face it, the independent spirit that existed back then among them had created a competitive arena whereby each of them was like their very own gladiator fighting for their own space/property. That's why(as a side note-not taking the fictional-based story into consideration) Greece was mostly made up of a conglomerate of independent states that functioned as a whole, and which exists to some extent even today.
Anyway, getting back to our story - Ahortaggomahos found that the odds were against him since each battle with the enemy nearly cost him his life. So he decided that he would live with them until he felt he was safe enough to venture out on his own. He also felt that by living with them he might help to strengthen and protect his family from any unlikely calamity that may befall them, and also to contribute to their overall sustenance and security. His family -also by tradition- pressed him to pursue a lengthy training course that the world had to offer, which would presumably increase his chances of survival - provided that he pass of course.
During the years that he trained he became discouraged at the world around him and so he started to live a life full of debauchery. This behavior led him to squander most of his family's inheritance, which made him a burden to his family since they had to eventually take on his prodigal expenditures and pay off his debts. After many agonizing efforts from his family and friends he eventually rehabilitated himself and graduated at the top of his class. He was 35 years old when he graduated, and soon after he met that special someone that changed his whole life completely. It took him five years to find a job(succeed in combating the system) in his field; after that he later got married to that special someone and moved upstairs from his folks.
In a fictional and hyperbolic kind of way this story tends to highlight how close-knit each Greek family is and also how difficult it is to combat the shark-like Greek capitalist system. The embarrassing element for the protagonist, as I mentioned at the onset of this post, has to do with his public image to those who of foreign mentality view it as improper to live over a third of your life with your folks. Not that having a form of dependence on your folks is a bad thing, it's just that overdoing it may lead others to conjure up all forms of misunderstandings. However, I'll admit that if a foreigner were to grow up in such harsh conditions as is so prevalent(the social system, the justice system, the political system, the economic system, etc. etc. etc.) the case here in Greece, then they too may end up following the same scenario. Who knows?

The 'We-don't-have-money-to-live-but-we-have-enough-to-have-a-good-time' Syndrome

It's the strangest thing, yet every time I go out to enjoy some form of recreation with my friends and I start talking with new people, there's a side to them that always strikes me as odd. They're sitting here complaining to me that they have no money, and I'm sitting there wondering how in the hell is that possible if he's already put 5 beers on his tab and going on his 6th... Or, there are people from your neighborhood or from your job that you recognize that aren't so well off financially and yet there they are partying their hearts out. It makes you wonder sometimes how they manage to make ends meet by the end of the month. However, one things for sure, either they're spending their whole paycheck in recreational activities, or they've found a second source of cash(e.g. loan, stolen money, black money, etc.) that they're not telling you about - or keeping hush-hush for reasons of self preservation.
The good thing though is that Greece is one of the few countries that provides non-stop entertainment which caters to those who by trade are commonly known as - the good-entertainment-goers('kaloperasakides'). These people typically have a sinecure that keeps them preoccupied for perhaps an hour or so a day, and which allows them the time they need to rest up for the fun that they're about to experience. It's like they've all found their niche in life, and whatever form of entertainment gives them the satisfaction of being happy they put all other things aside and dedicate themselves wholeheartedly to doing what they're best at - having fun. That's all fine and dandy but what mystifies me about the whole equation is how do they find the 'mooolahh'..cause in order to afford the price tag of being a 'good-entertainment-goer' these days you also need some hefty buying power. Maybe each of them have applied to a personal loan that helps them finance their 'party-going' spirit. Oh if only we could all experience such fun!

The '700-euros-is-all-you-get' Syndrome

This syndrome applies more to those in office who are responsible for formulating the legislative law concerning the compensation people should get as opposed to what they deserve. This syndrome is also commonly known to many as the 'the-700-euro-generation.' It basically represents the amount of money most people typically get as their monthly salary. As pathetic of an amount as it may sound it's actually what the government considers to be a just amount of money. I hate to sound ironic but when you try and put two and two together(the cost of living and your salary) you'll realize that the scales of justice are lopsided and that they tend to lean in favor of those who are in power and whose pockets are full of bribes and ill profited gains. It's a sad truth and yet everyone who confesses it seems too downtrodden to try and do anything about it. Even if you did succeed in mustering up more than the common monthly salary, when it comes time for you to submit your tax returns, and you end up showing an income that is above 13,000 a year, then the government has to fine you for making -what they consider to be- 'too much money.' Again, as I've mentioned in some of my previous posts concerning government regulations, it seems that the government wants to find a way to control its citizens from making a descent living, and to make up excuses or laws that would allow them to profit off of those who overstepped their so-called monetary boundaries. Personally, I'm not affected by this since most of the income that I generate is tax-free and comes from online endeavors - all of which don't get accounted for since there's no corresponding store-front location.

The 'Follow-the-herd' Syndrome

Next time you pack your bags to go somewhere -especially away from Athens- don't let people's stereotypical travel behavior sway you from making your own decision - it may actually save you from going the distance, rather than getting stuck for hours behind the honk-yell-and-grind turmoil that seems so prevalent to those who just like to follow the herd. Trying to get them to leave Athens and go to their villages in an organized manner is like herding frogs. Don't get me wrong, getting away from Athens is every person's dream come true, as much as it is mine, but when faced with the dismal nightmare of having to face a Pandora's box along the way, then the journey doesn't seem so worthwhile when compared to the destination. You've probably heard the saying, 'when you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.' Well, in this situation I'd rather stay in the kitchen than get trampled on by a stampede of bellicose Greeks. It's not to say that other nationalities don't get involved in their own 'wild-pack' excursions, but at least they do it in a more civilized manner. Take for instance German people; when it comes time for them to go on their designated holiday trip they make sure to take some stuff with them that they can use to enjoy the occasion of having to wait in traffic for long periods of time. They even park their cars and make a picnic on the side of the road where they can enjoy food & drink with their families. It's more like a festive occasion for them, and waiting is something delightful - not a drive-you-off-the-side-of-the-road type of mentality.
Don't worry you've got over 300 other days to choose from in order to get your 'get-the-hell-out-of-Athens' breather. Plus, even if you're stuck here and everybody has gone out of sight, at least you don't have the hustle and bustle of everyday city life trampling on your senses.
This 'follow-the-herd' mentality is also popular with things that the government gives a deadline for. For instance, if a new tax law comes out or a new ordinance is issued, people flock like the salmon of Capistrano to make sure they're in the safe zone and not in kahoots with them(the gov.). Or if there's a big rugby game and the tickets get sold out, people will still assemble like termites to a freshly peeled piece of wood and surround the stadium. Just don't go anywhere within a 3 mile radius of the event, you might get caught in the rampaging winds of hooligan fury.. Anyway, I can't think of any other event that might cause a ubiquitous stir among people, except of course if there's an epidemic(e.g. food shortage or viral infection), in which case I can't even begin to imagine the herds of people that would be lining up at supermarkets and pharmacies. They're probably capable of short stocking nearby countries let alone our own....lol

The 'last-name-that-either-exults-you-or-ridicules-you' Syndrome

Greek people must be the only race that I have personally come across whose last names have etymological roots that when spoken, give off a comical flavor to them. For instance, yesterday I had a guy whose last name was 'power saw' or 'prioni' in Greek - you know, the kind you use to cut down a tree. Or, better yet, there was a woman I met last week whose surname was 'Κουκουρουκου.' I'm guessing she must have had someone in her family who had a loose screw in their minds, and it must have been carried on from generation to generation until she got stuck with it - how embarrassing it is to be her. Below is a list of last names -followed by my own critique- that I've heard other people tell me about. If you have a funny one to add the the list, then please, be my guest. There are a few that have 'no comment' next to them, so you can also add something there as well.
ΜΑΛΙΑΚΑΣ/Μαλάκα - I've heard both mentioned; imagine being named after an insult - how tragic!
καρπουζης - He must really be a sweet, red(complexion) watery kinda guy...lol
κωλάρας - His cheeks must have profound meaning...
κουνελάκη - no comment.
Τσιμπούκη - no comment.
Πουλής - no comment.
Χούφτας - I can't imagine this surname belonging to a female; I'm sure that if a guy had it, he'd feel proud of himself in a perverted kinda way..
Τριχας - Either he/she has a hair fetish, or they must really be hairy...
Σάλτσας - I guess he/she likes to spice things up...maybe a touch of Tabasco should do the trick..
Πιπας - no comment.
κόπανος - no comment.
Λυπημένος - Their family tree must have had a legacy of sad experiences.
Καραγκιόζης - no comment.
Μπούρδας - no comment.
Τούβλος - I think this person is a few bricks short of a load.
Πικραμενος - This miserable person must be bitter about life. Oh well, get over it and try changing your name to something more pleasant sounding.
Πάπαρας - no comment.

Whatever their family legacy was...it must have surely been marred by some misfortunate event because these names don't just come out by chance. A word of advice to all those who posses these kinds of names: "go to a lawyer and get your surname changed. It's not as hard as you think. Don't let your succeeding generations suffer from humiliating insults just because you felt you had to carry on or honor your family's tradition."

The 'Beauro-gouge-out-your-eyes-red-tape' Syndrome

If you're a citizen of Greece and have gone through the process of doing anything citizen-related in terms of things that involve having your name registered somewhere(on a computer or on a piece of paper) then you know what it's like waiting behind drudgingly tiresome lines that never seem to end; and, being mislead to another source that presumably has the source of information you're looking for until you arrive there and find that you're in another three-ring circus that has the same eventuality. It's a lose-lose situation where you're driven out of your wits trying to find the path of least resistance, only to be wrapped up from head to toe by the government's red-bullshit-tape, and till you suffocate from their pseudo-controlling hands. I believe Greece has one of the most -if not the most- harshest bureaucratic systems ever enforced in the history of mankind. I believe that the government wants an exclusive measure of control over its citizens, so it established a cobweb of messy-screwed-up laws in order to have everyone feel the pressure of accountability and to unnoticeably follow in their capricious ideas for a more stable and just society. It's like we're helpless puppets, and all our appendages are full of strings that end up being manipulated by their whimsically corrupt hand gestures. These puppeteers are ruthless and exacting and want everyone to follow their orders as they see fit. It's an unfortunate and miserable condition that everyone has to live by - except for them of course since they can easily bypass the law.

The 'Spaced-out-you-mean-nothing-stare' Syndrome

I don't know if this has ever happened to you, but whenever I'm introduced by my friends to someone they know -be it in a party or gathering of some kind- I usually come across somebody who in the beginning might say 'hi' and may look all enthused about wanting to start a conversation, but later as I start talking to them they begin to stare blankly at the universe around them in a sort of contemplative fashion - and then that's when I lose them completely. They spot another person in the crowd and begin asking them a question that suddenly entered they're minds - tuning me out abruptly as if I was some sort of staticky frequency over the radio. I don't know if it's an attention span disorder that they suffer from, or if it's me and I have a 'don't-talk-to-me-sign' sticking out on my forehead. If you notice from the two pictures that i included in this post, both of them are looking elsewhere as if a deep trance had overtaken them, or as though they were searching for the meaning of life. Whatever the case, I think you get my point..

The 'One-raised-eyebrow' Syndrome

If you've ever carefully looked at the eyes of middle aged to older aged people living in Greece you'll notice that in most cases one of their two eyebrows is slightly raised above the other. I have my own theory behind this strange phenomenon, therefore what is about to follow doesn't necessarily mean that you need to totally agree with my observations, I'm just presenting my own subjective material. I've also named this theory the 'silent-non-sentient-stroke.' It basically is a gradual process that requires many years of exposure to the chaotic toxins in the air of society that have unabatedly circulated for many generations. However this seems to have intensified lately causing this 'Greek evolutionary gene' to cultivate more rapidly, even making the younger ones more susceptible to it. Unlike the typical stroke which occurs suddenly and paralyzes the unsuspecting victim, the 'silent-non-sentient-stroke' takes years to cultivate and usually accentuates the brow area since that's usually the place where most Greeks tend to create what I like to call, 'brow-gesture-stress-marks.' After years of repeated spastic movements these 'brow-gesture-stress-marks' start to stiffen the muscles in that area and causes the more dominant side to rise above the other - making it look as if the person's face disposition gives off a feeling of irony.

The 'Sex-talk-pandemonium' Syndrome

Sex this...sex that...how to sex...sex for Greeks...sex for dummies in Greece...i'll sex you up....yadee yadeee dahh - ohhh the glorious & grandiose sex talk... Greeks are obsessed with sex. Not that it's a bad thing; but it's so 'in-your-face-24-7' that you get to a point where you feel that maybe something is missing from your sex life. Turn on the radio in your car or at work and you're bound to hear the topic propagate it's way into the conversation. Walk up to a kiosk in broad daylight and you'll see Greek magazines with nude women posing on the cover - instead of centerfolds inside the magazine. It is so widely advertised that even live TV programs are openly airing talk shows to discuss what most people consider a 'behind-closed-doors-hush-hush' kind of topic. It's not enough that they have to openly insinuate you about your weight, but they feel it's proper to publicly expose your 'Kamasutra' to everyone. Maybe they feel you're not a well-enough-trained virtuoso in the field, so they make it incumbent on themselves to teach you the 'tricks of the trade'. Not that they undress in front of national TV, but they certainly make you visualize it in your mind. Pretty soon they'll probably incorporate some kind of virtual reality TV where everyone with 3D glasses can interact in their very own peep show. Anyway for all those sex-crazed addicts I've included a banner on the lower right hand column that will direct you to a site of one of our sponsors; and one of the very first online Greek stores that provides access to thousands of 'hush-hush' products that you would'nt normally find in your local supermarket. Have fun!

The 'C'mon-let's-resurrect-Christ-for-another-year-so-we-can-eat-our-lamb' Syndrome

"Happy Easter!" "Happy Resurrection!" With Easter right around the corner, these are two traditionally spoken cliches that you'll hear people uttering to one another. But, if you pay careful attention to the later one you know that it has to do with Christ's death and resurrection almost 2,000 years ago. I don't think people realize exactly what it is that they're saying when they say those two words; and even if they did know, they're just so used to saying them that it doesn't matter to them, it's just the polite thing to do before the festivities begin. Since I like to analyze things -as you probably already understood from my previous posts- I recall from my Bible lessons that Christ died once and his resurrection back in the spiritual realm took place one time - if that is of course what you believe and what you were taught as well. I'm not here to preach or lecture about Christianity, I just want to know one thing: "Why is it that they crucify him all over again and make him return back to heaven every year?" Is there something that I'm missing? If so, please, let someone comment back and correct my thinking. Perhaps, the custom developed as a way to make the holiday more memorable in relation to his death; but even so, if a memorial were to take place then whatever it is that people would say with regard to his death would be stated in the past tense. When people say it to me, I just stare up in heaven and say - "he hasn't risen yet, cause I don't see anyone up there.." And then I carry it on further -if the conversation permits- and say, "oh, I'm sorry, were you referring the expression to me cause as you can see I haven't de-materialized just yet.." They just giggle back and start saying it to the next person that comes their way. Anyway, "happy Easter everyone.."

The 'Throw-a-brainfart-question-and-think-later' Syndrome

I've heard some wild things in my day, but there are just some things that no matter how often you try not to reminisce on them they keep popping back up. Well in my case I've heard a few that are so ludicrous that even if babies were allowed to talk at infancy they wouldn't utter such nonsense. Sometimes, because they have nothing better to do than sit around and watch others involved with their work they just feel they have to question something for the sake of a question, and to spark some idle talk which really has no point to it. I've listed a few of my favorite questions below followed by my own answers; so, if you would like to add some of your own questions or answer some of the questions herein, just comment back on this post and let'em have it.
-What kind of fax is that? The kind that comes out of your ass.
-Where does that wire go into? In your mouth.
-What does USB stand for? For U to Shut your Beak(in other words - mouth)and let me do my work.
-Why is the monitor showing up black? Because maybe you didn't power it on!
-Do you want to make it happen? Make what happen - if I could I'd make you disappear.
-Where does that road lead to? Look in front of you and you'll see exactly where it leads; otherwise, I suggest you get a pair of prescription eyeglasses.

The 'Let's-slap-on-a-title-for-ourselves' Syndrome

Be it a job title(plumber, carpenter, electrician, etc...) or a educational title(MBA, PhD, etc...), Greeks love to adorn themselves with fictitious IDs, and remain adamant to their word that who they say they are - they truly are. I've come across so many phonies over the four years that I've been living here that I know the next time I hire a Greek to do a job for me I'm going to do a background check. Whatever business card or CV I look at I know to appraise it only at face value; and whoever it is that I'm interviewing for a job I know to take whatever they say with only a granule of melted salt.
I recently had my apartment renovated and I had hired quite a few people(from respected sources) to do the job. It ended up costing me double the price I originally estimated due to the fact that I myself(along with my in-laws) had to buy the extra material and patch up the damage that they -as a result of their so-called expertise- incurred. Everyone I've talked to since then who had likewise invested money to do similar work on their homes had also experienced the same deception - as a result of which punitive damages were sustained on their property. If you have a similar story to share with us please feel free to comment back to this post.

The 'Zoom-zoom-motorcycle-doom' Syndrome

It's a bird....it's a plane....no, it's lunatic Greek driving a motorcycle - watch out!!! These zinging hillbilly half-wits think that they govern all the roads that they drive on and that there is a golden carpet laid out for them wherever it is that they go. Whatever space exists between cars or people -however narrow it may be- you need to be aware of their presence because they're bound to zing their way like buzzing flies next to you(or right by you). Also know that if you're a pedestrian minding your own business and walking along a sidewalk, and you happen to see a motorcycle coming at you, don't be alarmed - they're just following their own road signs, specifically custom tailored just for them.
If you accidentally touch them(or hit them in an accident) while you are driving, or bump them while they are stationary, a word to the wise - never pretend that you didn't see them or that you're in the right and they're wrong. You might get them(if they're still alive) jumping on your car or dragging you out of the driver's seat and kicking you in public(Ok, maybe I over-exaggerated a bit); avoid any obscene/profane gestures or verbal attacks cause they'll be sure to pull up next to your window and let all hell break loose. In addition, be aware of the infamous purse/bag snatchers. They're equipped with everything they need to get their job done, and leave you guessing as to how they opened your door or broke your window while you were driving. And then finally there's the daisy-chain armada of harley-like gangs that sweep the roads of Athens. They clutter the streets and sidewalks with their all-encompassing display of 'macho-nacho-look-at-me-i'm-cool' bravado that tends to either get them killed, or has them creating a stir amongst passerbys.

The 'we-don't-match-cause-we-belong-to-a-different-soccer-team' Syndrome

True scenario: Me and a bunch of friends are all sitting down casually drinking our coffee when suddenly a drop-dead gorgeous girl sits down across from me next to my friend's friend. I don't know him very well but obviously I saw that there was a strong attraction between them. The first question that came out of his mouth toward her was - "to what soccer team do you belong?" She said "Panathanaikos," or the green team; and he said, "oh, I'm sorry babe, but we don't match, I'm Olympiakos." At which point she left in disappointment and we all starred at him like he was some kind of buffoon. He gave a sigh of 'who cares' and shrugged his shoulders as if she was somebody who just blocked his attempt to get the waitress's attention for another round of coffee. When we asked him later why he did such a foolish thing he retorted with: "I just know that in the long run it would never work out between us." I guess most Greeks who are dedicated fans of their favorite football team have a form of devotion that goes beyond anything I've ever seen. It even surpasses any type of faith people may have to a certain religion. It goes beyond the intergalactic realm, far beyond any godly or spiritual dwelling place. It is the alpha and omega for them. There is nothing that can replace its priority in their lives - not even a woman's touch of beauty.

God Forbid: God forbid two hooligan groups of opposing teams should collide in a heated argument over who belongs to the better team - it could probably instigate World War III.

The 'Not-ashamed-to-say-or-do-something-stupid' Syndrome

One of the most unexplained behaviors I have ever witnessed is how Greek people manage to have this calling with nature (or should I say Nature's calling) and do in public what normal people normally do behind closed doors in their bathrooms. They tend to pick publicly accessible places that are visible to just about anybody. For some reason they can't restrain themselves to go somewhere private, so when they have to go, they go wherever they can. Usually I've caught people taking a leak behind a tree in a public park, or behind a parked car. They stand there like animals out of the zoo without any care in the world if you look down on them. I even had one guy waving back at me with a smile on his face. It's a disgraceful form of conduct that not only defames the country but also stinks up the city with urine - making it look like a cesspool.
Then there are those people who have to speak their mind audibly. They feel that they're doing their duty as a Greek to state their opinion, especially when it's uninvited by the world or the person to whom it's directed at. It seems that wherever i go i come across at least one or two of these coincidental moments. I must be cursed because 9 out of 10 times the statement is directed at me. A typical scenario starts out something like this: I'm usually waiting in line and the person behind me notices something about something I'm either buying, wearing or saying over the phone. Then he/she interrupts me and says something so that the whole world can hear it. It's usually said in a sarcastic undertone; and when they're done blurting out the nonsense, they usually start to laugh as if they said something funny. The funny thing is that they're the only ones laughing at the end. Then I usually nod pretending that I understood what he/she said and go on with my business chuckling inside of myself. Everyone around me also starts to look away and hide their smiles so that the idiot who spoke doesn't get his/her feelings hurt in some way. I can't imagine how that would be the case since they say it with such a dignified manner. Even if everyone was to reproach him/her, he/she would still act as though what they had said was the smartest thing anyone could have said.

God Forbid: God forbid you should get into a discussion with whomever it is that starts up the opinionated-you-should-be-ashamed-of-yourself talk. All I have to say is: you should be ashamed of yourself - it's a futile wise-ass-conversation that ends up causing more aggravation than good.

The 'Lion-eats-lion' Syndrome

There's a saying out there in the competitive job/retail market that goes something like: 'it's a dog eat dog world out there." If that characterizes the rest of the world then the expression, "it's a lion eat lion world out there," characterizes the Greek marketplace. If you've ever seen the intensity of 2 lions going at it you realize that it's usually a battle to the death; whereas, with dogs, there's really no comparison since the aggression that dogs display is hardly at the same level, not to mention that the size differences between them are likewise significant. It's like trying to compare elephants to dinosaurs.
The reason that I brought out this comparison is because the real world out there is similar to people trying to dominate each other - swinging at each other with these raging claws; it's like a bunch of savage animals. Anyone who has undergone the experience of working for somebody here knows that in order to climb your way to the top you got to step on and obliterate the person below you. Each company here that I've worked for had a person who was specifically assigned to the job of sabotaging the competition. They usually work undercover as secret operatives so that no one could discover their true identity. The same is true about people trying to compete for the same position in the job market. But it gets worse because they act like they're each part of the mafia. Each family is like a crime family. It's who you know that gets you to where you want to be. These family connections form a network of secular enterprises that makeup the commercial world out there. And for those who are left out on the dirt(they know no one) get swallowed up and spit upon without mercy.

The 'Rich-get-greedier-who-get-stingier-who-pretend-they-don't-have-anything' Syndrome

I have a friend who always reminded/warned me with the following expression: "remember, I'm Greek so whatever it is you're going to ask me I'm going to answer you as a Greek person would - make sure to calculate that into your equation before you do anything." I never forgot that cause I got some very practical wisdom from him before I attempted to do anything business related with any Greek person, including himself. At first I was blinded by the fact that I had a great idea and that my would-be partner -who was rich by the way- would support me and help bring it to fruition. Little did I know that it was that same "friend" who would later use my idea and money that I invested in our so-called 'company' to meet his own purpose in developing his own little evil scheme. But at the time I was too gullible and naive to see through it. As you can imagine the financial and emotional repercussions that I had to undergo(and still am to some degree) from that tragic betrayal left me scatter-brained and hungry for payback.
My point in highlighting this experience is to point out the fact that most rich Greek people try to get greedier by exploiting whoever it is they can, even if it means that the other person succumbs into giving up everything that he/she possesses. And they do it with no sense of remorse or pity. Since then I've come across many similar scoundrels who have used and abused others to reach their rise to the top. But what amazes me the most is that these people are so tight-fisted that they won't even give an extra penny's worth to whatever it is that they're purchasing or have purchased in the past. And when you ask them for a minuscule amount to help you get through your troubles, they'll pretend that they don't have any by fabricating their own elaborate excuses on how they had to spend so much on so and so... Or how they didn't even have enough money to put gas in their cars(my favorite excuse). And then you catch them in their own lie when you happen to sit with them over a cup of coffee, and when you end up having to pay for your own cup; they suddenly take out their wallet(s) and you see a wad of countless cash emerge, and as they crack it open and flip through it to see if they have a small bill at hand you notice that there are bills you haven't even seen in real life(500s, and 200s).

The 'I-know-nod-&-sob-but-don't-do-anything-about-it' Syndrome

"It's so terrible out there, no one can find a job...and I was laid off yesterday.." boo-hoo. "My, my...when will they ever do something about reducing the age-limit when senior citizens are entitled to their pension?" boo-hoo. "When will they just give us a break and let us get paid for the extra hours we work..." boo-hoo. "How long must we be subject to these harsh conditions..." boo-hoo. "I'm so sick of being taken advantage of..." boo-hoo. "Why doesn't the government make it easier for us to do our work!" boo-hoo. People love to complain with disdain on just about everything they can get their ears on. Their vehement experience is usually so enthralling that they need a spellbound audience to keep them feeling that they're not the only ones undergoing such hardships. And by sharing it with someone they feel somewhat less deranged. The strangeness in all this is that the 'boo-hoo' sobs only get others to nod and sob as well; and eventually you have a group of people all relating their sob stories, until once all is said and done the only thing that they have accomplished is to agree on the obvious and do absolutely nothing to change their situation(and that of the world's), or that of the other person. It's a daily cycle that helps them cope with their anxieties and worries. I call these the passive-non-extremist-go-with-the-flow type who like to attract self-pity.
These people need a major dose of positive psycho therapy. Somebody should help them realize that if they want to change their negative outlook on life, they need to get out of their 'stubborn boo-hoo shell' and make a difference. Although I do have to give them some credit in that there's a lot of truth in what they say regarding the general conditions out there and how they affect everyone. Sometimes those conditions make it impossible(see also the 'lion-eat-lion' syndrome) for people to truly make the changes that they would like to make. If that's the case then I apologize for my earlier statement about making a difference, especially when you have to combat so many forces that are beyond your power. Perhaps for such a change to take affect you need to muster up all the other sobers in your group and go rally forth in the streets where the constitution building is situated. Perhaps you might be able to tickle their(congress) ears to listen to your sob story.. And maybe, just maybe..a glimmer of hope might after all be possible - NOT!

The 'melowdrama-overindulgence' Syndrome

Ohhh...the melodrama that exists out there!! It's so superfluous and so typically overstated in the media and in everyday life that you come to point where you just want to flick the off switch at whatever source is broadcasting such nonsense. Yet, when it comes to people its not so simple since there's no off switch you turn off or on - it's just there, constantly present. Personally, I've become desensitized to it so however dramatic the situation might get it tends to bounce off my skin. You have to sizzle in it for a while before you get to the point where I am.
No wonder Greeks were so good at being dramatic, for the origins of drama dates back to the golden era of Greece(600 -200BC) when the ancient Athenians created a theater culture whose form, technique and terminology have lasted two millenniums, and they created plays that are still considered among the greatest works of world drama. These have been preserved through successive generations and have merged into their traditions making them part of who they are. These intrinsic values which are dramatic in nature have evolved to include many of today's modern trends; they include: televised serials, theatrical plays/musicals and reality shows. So if you're in mood for over-exaggerated sentiment and stereotypical characters then look no further - just turn on your TV and...wallah!

The 'steal-or-be-stolen-from' Syndrome

There's an Albanian proverb that states: "When you shake hands with a Greek, count your fingers." Now, I'm quite sure that Greek's would perhaps say the same things towards Albanians, since -generally speaking- they don't like them very much. Their mindset is very work-oriented and the immigrants who have come here in recent years have amassed great fortunes for themselves. This is all due to their die-hard work regiment and their ability to save the money that they make. I'm assuming that the above proverb had spread amongst them as a result of the many business dealings that they had to encounter, and in order to make it possible to succeed in the Greek market. Their experience is one among many who have felt that there exists that general lack of trust permeating through the air. And, in my opinion, I feel the government is largely to blame for this behavior. They are suppose to be the paradigm in which everyone should follow; yet their example has been one of disrepute and outrage. First of all, they constantly change and enforce new tax policies and protocols; this makes it nearly impossible for people to get their businesses off to a good start; or, to have an edge on the competition. They then send their 'grim reapers' -or, should I say tax auditors- who stick around to collect their black envelope full of money. Well, if the general public feels insecure about how their money is being handled(taken arbitrarily) and where it is being spent, don't they have the right then to feel the same way about them?
That's why you'll notice that many store merchants don't issue receipts. They feel that they're justified in taking back what the government has taken from them.
And then there's the other side of the spectrum where people have had a piece(or all) of their physical property stolen(e.g. car, jewelry, watch, cell phone, etc..) from them - either directly(e.g. in broad daylight right in front of their very eyes) or indirectly(e.g. while they are sleeping in bed). It is a phenomenon in which everybody has suffered from in one way or another.
There was one time, I remember, when I was minding my own business and eating a hearty meal at Goody's - a popular fast food restaurant here in Greece. A young person approached me and asked me if the restrooms were in the back area of the restaurant. At the time the question seemed a bit odd since he wanted me to turn my head around and look to where he was pointing. He then exited the door which was in front of me. As I sat there I realized that my 500 euro cell phone was lying on the food tray in front of me and that at the time, when he had asked me the question I had my hand on it. This dawned on me later(after the crime), because after 5 minutes or so, he re-entered the store and walked circuitously in front of my table. Once he saw that he had the opportunity to strike, he bolted forwards and snatched it out of my hand. He then dashed out of the restaurant and ran through the crowds before I could even react. Everyone around me just starred at me for a moment because I yelled something out loud as he made his way out. Then they went back to their conversations as if nothing had happened. After that incident there were a few others but they weren't as brain-rattling as this one. It just goes to show you how everyone out there -however ethically sane they may look- has a dark, sinister side that's poised to strike at anyone who appears vulnerable. Just be careful out there, and remember, trust no one!

The 'unambiguous-lie-detector' Syndrome

There's a Russian proverb that goes something like this: "The Greeks only tell the truth once a year." There are quite a few Russian immigrants who live here, so I'm guessing they've had enough contact on a daily basis with Greek people to get a well-rounded opinion of them. And perhaps, after many years, they've developed this expression to show how rare it is for Greeks to tell the truth. Now I don't know about you but I've had my share of Greeks blatantly lying to me to know that there's no telling when and by whom a lie will come to its fruition. But one thing is for sure, when you've had enough dealings with Greeks you come to know approximately when they're going utter one. It's a fail-safe mechanism that they've come to adopt from the outside world. Since they can't seem to accept any form failure, they need a quick way to compensate for the chance that there might exist some probability of it occuring. You have to come to accept their speech pattern since it's part of their everyday routine. And in order for you to conform to it, you also have to maybe change what you were accustomed to as far as what you considered to be proper etiquette. If you've seen the movie 'liar-liar' with Jim Carrey you know then that in order for him to survive and succeed in his job he had to lie no matter what. The same holds true here but only to greater extent in that it encompasses every aspect of living. Don't get me wrong, there are those who are morally and ethically in tune with what the rest of the world considers proper; it's just a little harder finding them here - that's all.

The 'tell-me-your-zodiac-and-where-you're-from-I'll-judge-you-first' Syndrome

Have you ever felt that you were judged unfairly by someone who didn't even know you? Well you might have spilled two vital pieces of information to that person which might have led them to that conclusion. Have you ever noticed that usually the first question that a Greek may likely ask you -if it's his/her first time meeting you- is, "where are you from?" They do that purposefully so that they can learn which part of Greece you originate from, or which part of the other side of the world you're from. Once they learn that tidbit of info. they automatically flick on the 'you-suck-I'm-from-a-better-place' switch(in their minds). Then, usually the second one that follows has to do with your zodiac sign or with which month you were born in. Once they have both of those important pieces of information it doesn't matter what you do or say from that point on, they have you all figured out. However contrary you may prove to be from the stereotype model that they've made of you in their minds, they still insist that you are predestined to fulfill your role according to their prophetic predictions from the two all-encompassing elements, which constitutes part of your actual DNA. It's as if you inherit some special personality gene from the region in which your parent's were born in - if it also happens to be where you grew up as well. And depending on your astrological sign you posses some supernatural aura that predominates your every action.
Whatever their reasoning may be, I feel they should dismiss their occult fascinations and folklore, and stick to getting to know the person based on who they are deep down. But, yet again, who am I to judge how people should judge others? You make up your own minds, I just present what I've seen and heard.

God Forbid: God forbid you should be from the worst location in Greece and also have the most hated Zodiac sign. You would most probably be banned from the country and end up running around like a fugitive.. lol.

The 'Gossip-like-a-hungry-maggot' Syndrome

They talked about him/her and he/she fell like a tree. This is the after-affects of what the Greek mouth is capable of; if you liken the person being talked about to a tree, and the words that Greeks use to talk about him/her to maggots, then you can pretty much fathom how the tree got sabotaged.. I'm assuming that you're already familiar with what maggots are - right? Well, if you're not, they're actually those worm-like larva that feed off decaying matter - dead stuff.
If you've ever seen the movie 'The mummy' you'll know then that the comparison that I'm trying to set forth is similar to one of the deadly plagues that 'The Mummy' used in the movie. Remember the part where a bunch of locusts flew out of his mouth and covered the whole city? Well in like manner, every time a Greek person(figuratively speaking) starts gossiping about someone else, think of the scene where the Mummy starts opening its mouth; but instead of locusts coming out they're actually maggots. If you haven't seen the movie, I highly recommend that you watch it.
There are newspapers and TV channels here in Greece that are dedicated to doing just that - gossiping about others. It's one thing however to hear about some celebrity being savagely ripped apart, and it's a whole other thing when you witness it in action. They got these giddy little claws and tentacle like suction cups projecting from their mouths, and all they do is kill and massacre whoever it is they can. Even if what the other person says has no commentary value to it, Greeks will dig up something from nothing - as ironic as that may sound.
I've concluded that people who have it embedded as part of their rhetoric(which constitutes the majority of the population) must have a very low self-esteem. Or, they envy the other person so much that in order to make themselves feel better they need to hack them to pieces - even if it literally means killing them. I don't know what pleasure they derive from it, but I guess it captures the ears of whatever audience likes to listen to and support such debased filth.

God Forbid: God forbid you should ever become famous one day only to discover that your name will inevitably turn into a topic of exaggerated controversy and become labeled as some laughingstock failure for people's 'pincers' to claw at. Your best bet from there is to leave the country and try to aim your success elsewhere - unless you take pleasure in seeing your name decorated under the spotlight and full of malignant aspersions.

The 'I-love-talk-badly-about-my-job/boss' Syndrome

The topic of each conversation with each person out there, seems to center around either the 'not-getting-paid-enough-so-I-hate-my-job', or the 'my-boss-is-an-asshole-cause-all-he-does-is-sit-around-and-do-nothing' topic.
"It's so unfair..." ladi-ladi-daa... "I'm so miserable..." nia-nia-nia.. "I don't get paid what I'm worth...." foo-foo-foo. "I can't stand my boss..." ikiti-pikiti-poo.. People seem to be miserable cause all you hear them do is talk impudently either about their so-called 'career' or their incompetent boss. They love to exhaust their words on them until they get everyone in their office/department to feel the same. And once everyone starts feeling abhorrently about the working conditions around their office then it seems to bring down their moral and motivational spirit, which tends to have a corrupting influence on everyone that they do business with. There's that common indolent(e.g. playing solitaire on their PCs) attitude that gets them nowhere, and only incites their boss to yell all day on why no work is getting done. There's a catch 22 in all of their reasoning - no qualitative work unless we get paid more, and no raise in pay unless we've worked. I guess that's why the GDP(gross domestic product) in the country seems to be so low.
Anyway, for improvement to exist there needs to be a cooperative spirit amongst employees in the company, and in order for them to feel that their work is worthwhile and deserves extra merit, managers need to concentrate on bringing out and positively compensating the skills of each employee in relation to his/her work.

The 'I-can-fit-a-bus/coach/tractor-trailer/buldozer-through-any-street' Syndrome

Have you ever observed a huge double decker coach or a tractor-trailer making its way through a narrow city street? If not, it's actually quite a feat to witness! It's almost like being in the circus and watching a trapeze artist somersaulting through the air. Or, like watching a high-wire act and trying to figure out how these performers actually do what they do. Well, these feats and many more can actually be witnessed without the price of a circus admission ticket; all you have to do is walk/drive out in the streets of Athens and you will most certainly encounter one of these giants. These behemoth monstrosities come in all types of shapes and colors, but the most common is the kind that is used to drive people around to different public locations. However, the crazy thing is that in order for them to reach their destination they are forced to go through the local city streets. As they do so the spaces between the coach(or bus) and the cars on either side of the road are but a hairpin apart. The drivers must have pinpoint accuracy in order to make it through. Yet there are times when drivers will carelessly park their cars and disregard any signs or road marks which pertain to buses. You can imagine the havoc and chaos that this creates. The buses in turn honk and continue to honk until there's no tomorrow. If no driver appears relatively soon then they try to get the vehicle towed so that the passengers aren't forced out and have to search for an alternate method to get to where they need to go. And then there are the bulldozers that obstruct the flow of traffic by creating a war zone on their way to a construction site. I've seen a couple actually scathe past a few cars(with sparks flying) without flinching even once. They're like tanks with a license to annihilate whatever gets in their way.
Ladies and gentlemen, the circus is back in town!!

God Forbid: God forbid you should honk back and aggravate one of those gargantuan beasts only to have their front blade push you off the side of the road. Never provoke something that's more than double the size of your car; you never know how they may react...

The 'Happy-new-year-inflation-markup' Syndrome

"Happy New Year everyone!!!" "May you get whatever it is you wish for.." "3......2....1.....0....Hurraayyyy!!" And then the day comes around and you go to the kiosk to buy a carton of milk, and when you go to pay for it, you suddenly hear the price and you think you might have a hearing problem; so you ask the kiosk owner to repeat the price to you, and then lo and behold the price is 50 cents over the price you were used to paying for it. And then you throw it back and go to the supermarket and you find out that the price has been marked-up there as well. The day continues on and you get awe struck at some of the things that you were normally used to paying and that now, the same people that wished you a 'happy-new-year' actually 'Yipiekaiyed' you up the butt with their 'markup-boot.'
What's their excuse, you say? "Well, it's a new year...so we have to follow the percentage spikes, and in order to leverage our businesses to meet the growing expenses that the government puts on us we have to shoot up our prices, etc, etc..." But what gets me the most out this yearly phenomenon is that Greece tends to raise the bar on what they feel should be the proper gradient for the inflationary percentage. Every aspect of business, both public and private, alter their prices to meet their own demands and not those of the populace. Tourism tends to suffer as a result, which causes foreigners to get hoodwinked into these price waves; and this causes Greece's reputation to worsen. But, who's to care? As long as the rich and powerful continue getting more mighty and the middle/lower classes become extinct(forcing some to flee like refugees), they feel they've got nothing to lose since they're(the government) part of the elite class of people who make the rules bend in their favor.
I recall going to the metro to go to work, and as I approached the ticket counter to pay for my ticket I overheard the person in front of me angrily shout at the guy for the 20 cent markup. And as he calmed his nerves he jokingly asked him(the ticket issuer), "I'm assuming this markup will mean that you guys will be getting paid more this year - right?" And the guy issuing the tickets laughed and said, "yeah, if only it were like that." "What a load of cr&p," I muttered to myself that morning; and on my way to work I reflected on what the guy had said and how unfair it is when you compare the compensation you receive from work. Anyway...enough of my whining.

The 'Galtsiotis' Syndrome

There was this guy I worked for in the 'Ericsson Hellas' building in Paiania whose name was(and still is I imagine) Galtsiotis. His fastidious behavior was one that made such an impression on me that I had to name this syndrome after him. He was a short chubby creature with legs no longer than his belly, which extended like two beat up 'kankles.' This condition made him walk with a slight gimp, and he always completed each of his steps with a strut that exhibited his wont for attention.. He had a slight hunchback growing out of the back of his neck that made him stoop over like an overgrown cane. His face was round, so round actually that it resembled a circle, and he had these shiny gold glasses that were custom-sized to fit his head, and which tinted according to the brightness of light that was in whatever room he was present in. You could say that he was almost an exact representation of the Hunchback of Notredam; but he only lacked the green clothing and the heavily protruding forehead. Anyway now that you got an idea of his physical appearance, it's time to shed some light on what made him so unique and the topic of my discussion for this post.
He always came down in the morning to sniff his grounds and greet everyone with his elongated - 'hello, how are you?' And as he said it his teeth sort of gnashed together and one of his eyes started twitching as if to indicate he was holding back something. Since we were outsourcing their services for building maintenance I was the one responsible for coordinating my company's vendors to do whatever job it was in relation to the needs that arose in the Ericsson building. So, in a sense, we were the liaison between Ericsson and the many other companies that serviced the building. Mr. Galtsiotis worked as the maintenance supervisor of Ericsson and overlooked our job with close scrutiny to make sure we weren't abusing their budget in anyway. Mr. Milionis, who was his supervisor, wielded him like a puppet and had him at the forefront of his evil plans to replace us with a different company to do our work. Even though it was a direct breach of contract, he had his right hand man to do his dirty work. And the strange(yet funny) thing was that Mr. Galtsiotis had no idea he was being used as a scapegoat. He just followed his orders and planted traps on us to make it look as if we didn't do our jobs. Or, he told other employees false rumors to make it look as though we were the bad guys. He was so meticulous and scrupulous with getting his job done that his snake-like maneuvers always seemed one step ahead of our own when we wanted to catch him in the act of doing his mischief. He was also aided his puppet master who was also the person that kept our contract with Ericsson alive. So, whether we liked it or not, we had to follow our doomed fate which was to wait until they hatched their plan to replace us. My main role was to try and renew the contract so that 10 other people including my own would still have a job by the end of the year.
We were sequestered into our own little space in the building until it came time for us to withdraw. And, lo and behold, that's what ended up happening; yet, we did manage to get in our last few punches of justice in before we officially departed. It just amazes me how certain people can put on different masks of persona to disguise themselves from their true nature, and use their insidious charm to intentionally do harm(leaving people with families unemployed) onto others.

God Forbid: God forbid for those who took over where we left off and have to put up with Galtsioti's syndrome and the 'anal-I'm-looking-your-shoulder-and-following-orders-to-find-some-dirt-on-you' attitude. I wish to God that their surreptitious guile backfires and their shame reaches Ericsson headquarters in Sweden.

The 'Cataclysmic-clash-of-the-ego-titans' Syndrome

If you've ever seen the 1981 mythology movie, "Clash of the Titans" which was based on the myth of Perseus, then you can fathom the intensity at which Perseus had to go through in order to rescue Andromeda from the mighty Kraken. He even had to battle it out with the gorgon Medusa in order to use its head as a weapon against the Kraken. Well, it's with that same intensity that has Greeks battling it out amongst their own kind. It is an ego trip the likes of which you have never seen, or will ever see as long as you live on planet Earth; unless of course you miraculously transcend the boundary of atmosphere that separates mankind from the Gods - like the Greeks like to think they do. They even like to place themselves on the same pedestal as the gods. So, every time you see two Greek people on the street(or wherever else they may be) arguing over who's right and who's more right, then try to displace yourself for a moment and picture yourself on Mt. Olympus with thunderbolts clashing on all sides. And there in front of you in one corner you have 'mr-i-am-as-powerful-as-Zeus' and in the other corner 'mr-i-am-the-one-who-made-Zeus,' and then the tirade of words flash before you with vitriolic fumes emanating as each collide with one another. It only stops once the victor chokes the other with more vitriol. Now snap out of it and come back to reality! Did you feel the power? If you're ever the unfortunate person to witness such an event just do yourself a favor(and the world's as well) by giving them a wake-up call, and to snap out of whatever world they think they dwell on. But yet again, to do so would mean that you have balls the size of an elephant's with pepper spray smothered all over.

God Forbid: God forbid you should get caught between a 'who's-right-argument' - it would be like playing the game 'monkey in the middle.' You'll never succeed in intercepting or stopping the interchange of cataclysmic clashes; unless of course you reside on Mt. Olympus... Then be my guest.... Otherwise you'll actually end up turning into a monkey(metaphorically for dead) by the time they're done.

The 'Everyone-has-the-same-nickname' Syndrome

Ella Malaka.. Vre Malaka... What's with calling people - 'malaka'? It's unavoidable, yet strangely enough I keep hearing it more and more now. The English equivalent of the word is 'wanker' but as you'll notice from the wiki-link that I included, the word could have more than one connotation to it, and depending on its context it could either be a bad form of profanity or a cool way to greet your friend.
I've always wondered why Greek people, by and large, forsake the usage of the person's first name and directly fallback on the widely used and stereotypically accepted nickname - malaka. I guess it's either because they have a really bad memory and feel the need to call everyone by the same name, or they must have this insurgent need that the world owes them something in return and so they exacerbate whomever they meet just so they can make themselves feel better. Whatever the case may be, the intonation of the word has a negative sounding appeal to it. I don't think anyone would welcome such a lewd, debasing label.
One day, on my way back from work, a seemingly polite person stopped to ask me for directions. At the time I was new to the area and my Greek speaking abilities were somewhat lacking. As I started speaking to him with my profound English accent I noticed that the guys face started to distort itself from a mild smile to a strikingly deformed grimace. I presumed that I must have had something on my hair or I must have forgotten to comb it that day. But contrary to my presumption, he started to scoff me and say, "ante vre Amerikanaki...den ehw oli mera;" and that's when I heard it directed at me for the first time. He waved his hand off at me in an aggressive manner and blurted "ante vre Malaka..." and then took off mumbling a slur of words out loud that -at the time- I couldn't put two and two together. He suddenly turned from being a somewhat pleasant fellow to a beast in less than a minute.

God Forbid: God forbid you should ever get yourself mixed up in the 'malaka-loop.' This happens when both parties end-up exchanging the term until the victor comes out gratified in having said it more times and with more gusto/pazazz. There is no object to the game; only the fact that both start ridiculing themselves with 'malaka-gestures' until their mouth gets tongue-tied through wear and tear of the word. It's actually a scene to behold...

The 'Annoyingly-loud- and-intrusivly-obnoxious-in-your-face' Syndrome

If you're accustomed to having your own personal space and feeling content with people living in harmony and being polite and having courteous manners etc, etc... Well, I've got news for you - you ain't in Kansas anymore!!! So wake up and smell the coffee cause you're in GREECE - G,R,E,E,C,E. People here love to get up close and personal without warning you that they're about to. They seem to act as though you're some kind of transparent obstacle that they have to get around. They neglect to consider you as some fellow human who's taking up part of the same space that they are. Not only that, but when you are occupying that same space and they suddenly nudge you and walk right by you, they fail to utter the most crucial words - 'excuse me, or pardon me'. They have this hard outer shell that's programmed to bounce off whatever is in their path. It would mean a world of difference if they could just put those words into their vernacular. However, I do have to admit, there are those rare moments that when you've fallen down or are in dire need that their outer shell breaks away to reveal their empathetic side.
If you ever counter their 'aura of omnipotence' and blurt out some spontaneous remark like, "hey, watch it buddy...or, hhheeeellllloooo," then you're in for a rude awakening. You'll need to come prepared with a pair of earplugs or else you'll feel the reverberation of their wrath echo through your bones.. Somehow the Greek mouth transcends the maximum decibel(above 160) of sound that the normal human can produce, so beware. Their no holds bared approach usually entices others nearby to participate. And this is usually no good cause then you're going to need some sort of life raft to save you out of the situation. So...how do you avoid such confrontation? Just follow this one rule and you should do just fine: Ruullsah(mister Miaggi style) number 1: never..ever argue with a Greek.. You'll lose hands down.. Even if you're in the right and ten other witnesses saw you, you're still wrong to them and they'll lyingly prove it to you.
For some reason they have this time-bomb mechanism in their character that's just waiting to explode on whoever tries to burst their vain little bubble. I remember when a guy on his motorcycle maneuvered past me and yanked off the right car door mirror and stopped a foot or so ahead of me as if nothing had happened. I approached him with the car and told him "what the f&$k is wrong with you!" He turned around and said, "well, you should've made more room for me." Immediately after that he took off with a wheelie, and before I could even turn my head he was gone. Then I muttered some curse words out loud and everybody was looking at me all weird and stuff. Oh well, I'm sure everyone in my situation would've done something along the same lines. Anyway, I'm glad I got that out of my system -once again. I hope that guy who did that to my car is reading this and feels some remote sense of guilt about what he did. But, then again, who am I kidding - Greeks have no conscience.

God Forbid: God forbid you should ever find yourself trapped in an elevator with three Greeks trying to settle the 'who-did-it' argument. You'll probably be the first to find an escape hatch; and even when you do get out, you'll probably hear them still arguing.

The 'Come-last-cut-first' Syndrome

If you've ever waited in line, which most likely you have(due to the 'red tape' that exists everywhere), then you know the 'child's play' behavior that goes on when Greeks attempt to form a line. Usually you'll notice -if you've ever had to wait behind a long line- that the people who tend to come in last try and find ways to get between the disorderly line. They take advantage of the disorder since they know that that's how they'll fool people into believing that they were in line before them. What do I mean when I mention the word disorder? Well, think of a nice and orderly line arranged in sequential fashion. Then think of a glob of people(jumbled mess) looking over each others shoulder, one on top of the other(or even across from each other). Get the picture? There's no line cause people are so intent on being first that they sly their way(like snakes) through pretending that they're next. The line formation tends to look lopsided in the sense that everyone is scattered sideways and straddling their arms as if trying to create some blockade that no one can pass through. It's a sickening experience, and when you have to deal with this behavior on a daily basis it's even worse than before, because as each day passes you get the feeling that there are more and more people showing up.
As a result of their childishness, public service locations have installed ticket issuing machines so that each person who comes in gets his/her number and waits for his/her turn. But even these machines don't always create the order that you expect them to, since Greek people have found ways of manipulating others to give them their ticket in exchange for something that is usually not true. I remember trying to catch the line early in the morning one day when Greece's national bank('Ethniki') first opens up. When I got there, there was a mob of people waiting outside. After 5 minutes the Bank opened up its front gates and let everyone in. I had to wait 15 minutes till everyone went through to pick up their seating number. Once I got there and pushed the button a white slip came out of the machine with the number - 107. The tellers were servicing number 6, so I had to wait another 2 hours until my turn came around. As I waited a group of young kids came in and did the same thing. They pressed the button on the machine and they got a print-out of 307. They sneered at everyone and yelled out loud: "we'll be seeing you next week then cause there's no way in hell that you're going to get through with another 220 people while we wait around here like a bunch of turtles!" There insolence was quite audacious and blunt, but as I sat back and contemplated about what they said, they did have a point about the way the system worked as far as how the tellers were lackadaisical with the customers. And also, how the customers too took advantage of this by starting to converse with them about their personal lives, not minding the fact that 300 people are waiting behind them. Not only that but they also had them do trivial things -besides the job that they went there to do for that day- like look up their balance, or print out another copy of their account - the list goes on and on...

God Forbid: God forbid you should ever have to go to the national bank of Greece every day and have to go through what I described above. I think you'll eventually lose your mind and do what those youngsters did.

The 'I-presumed-and-therefore-I-misunderstood' syndrome

One of the most commonly used words that you'll hear Greek people using is, 'misunderstand.' Why is it that so many Greeks misunderstand each other? Simple, they tend to go beyond the proper limits and venture forth -without authority or permission, mind you- with daring assumptions of what the other person(s) is doing/saying before they actually do or say anything. If you've ever heard Greek people speak you'll notice from time to time that as the other person is listening he/she will start gesturing and nodding in an exaggerated way and then cut off the other person who is speaking right at the point where he/she wants to stress the most crucial bit of information. These self-proclaimed prognosticators actually do more harm than good, because what they end up doing is prioritizing their own viewpoint(s) over and above that of the other person's viewpoint. This leads to a feud of misunderstandings, until they both reach a point where they can't agree on anything. However, there are those who apologize for jumping the gun and end up listening fully to what the other person has to say.
The worst forms of misunderstanding usually occurs with those who listen or observe what the other person is doing/saying and then after -once all is said and done- keeps his/her own speculation about what that person did or said. They don't reveal their presuppositions until they reach a point where they feel the need to act on what they had speculated(it could be a day, a week, or even a year later). And that's when things usually get dirty, because those who have reservations for the other person put on their offensive gloves and start an all out attack. Whereas the other person who is completely unaware of what's gotten into him/her tries to make appeals and settle whatever unfounded information was based on hearsay. Their chagrin could have been avoided if the person who envisaged such false deductions didn't do so in the first place.
I recall one situation when my friend saw me in a gloomy mood one day and we talked about something relating to work. The next day he mistakenly assumed that I had implied something negative to him personally by the way my disposition was. And this offset his thinking and made him inclined to think critically of me. And so, it took me a while to calm him down and make him understand that my gloom was directed at something else.

Analogy: I've got the power of the Force, and I can read your thoughts before you even speak..hahaha.

God Forbid: God forbid you should be the first one to mutter some rhetorical question at someone. Not only will they answer it but they might imply something from it and it might eventually backfire on you. So, take my advice and keep whatever it is that you're going to say(or don't say) to yourself.