The 'tell-me-your-zodiac-and-where-you're-from-I'll-judge-you-first' Syndrome

Have you ever felt that you were judged unfairly by someone who didn't even know you? Well you might have spilled two vital pieces of information to that person which might have led them to that conclusion. Have you ever noticed that usually the first question that a Greek may likely ask you -if it's his/her first time meeting you- is, "where are you from?" They do that purposefully so that they can learn which part of Greece you originate from, or which part of the other side of the world you're from. Once they learn that tidbit of info. they automatically flick on the 'you-suck-I'm-from-a-better-place' switch(in their minds). Then, usually the second one that follows has to do with your zodiac sign or with which month you were born in. Once they have both of those important pieces of information it doesn't matter what you do or say from that point on, they have you all figured out. However contrary you may prove to be from the stereotype model that they've made of you in their minds, they still insist that you are predestined to fulfill your role according to their prophetic predictions from the two all-encompassing elements, which constitutes part of your actual DNA. It's as if you inherit some special personality gene from the region in which your parent's were born in - if it also happens to be where you grew up as well. And depending on your astrological sign you posses some supernatural aura that predominates your every action.
Whatever their reasoning may be, I feel they should dismiss their occult fascinations and folklore, and stick to getting to know the person based on who they are deep down. But, yet again, who am I to judge how people should judge others? You make up your own minds, I just present what I've seen and heard.

God Forbid: God forbid you should be from the worst location in Greece and also have the most hated Zodiac sign. You would most probably be banned from the country and end up running around like a fugitive.. lol.

The 'Gossip-like-a-hungry-maggot' Syndrome

They talked about him/her and he/she fell like a tree. This is the after-affects of what the Greek mouth is capable of; if you liken the person being talked about to a tree, and the words that Greeks use to talk about him/her to maggots, then you can pretty much fathom how the tree got sabotaged.. I'm assuming that you're already familiar with what maggots are - right? Well, if you're not, they're actually those worm-like larva that feed off decaying matter - dead stuff.
If you've ever seen the movie 'The mummy' you'll know then that the comparison that I'm trying to set forth is similar to one of the deadly plagues that 'The Mummy' used in the movie. Remember the part where a bunch of locusts flew out of his mouth and covered the whole city? Well in like manner, every time a Greek person(figuratively speaking) starts gossiping about someone else, think of the scene where the Mummy starts opening its mouth; but instead of locusts coming out they're actually maggots. If you haven't seen the movie, I highly recommend that you watch it.
There are newspapers and TV channels here in Greece that are dedicated to doing just that - gossiping about others. It's one thing however to hear about some celebrity being savagely ripped apart, and it's a whole other thing when you witness it in action. They got these giddy little claws and tentacle like suction cups projecting from their mouths, and all they do is kill and massacre whoever it is they can. Even if what the other person says has no commentary value to it, Greeks will dig up something from nothing - as ironic as that may sound.
I've concluded that people who have it embedded as part of their rhetoric(which constitutes the majority of the population) must have a very low self-esteem. Or, they envy the other person so much that in order to make themselves feel better they need to hack them to pieces - even if it literally means killing them. I don't know what pleasure they derive from it, but I guess it captures the ears of whatever audience likes to listen to and support such debased filth.

God Forbid: God forbid you should ever become famous one day only to discover that your name will inevitably turn into a topic of exaggerated controversy and become labeled as some laughingstock failure for people's 'pincers' to claw at. Your best bet from there is to leave the country and try to aim your success elsewhere - unless you take pleasure in seeing your name decorated under the spotlight and full of malignant aspersions.

The 'I-love-talk-badly-about-my-job/boss' Syndrome

The topic of each conversation with each person out there, seems to center around either the 'not-getting-paid-enough-so-I-hate-my-job', or the 'my-boss-is-an-asshole-cause-all-he-does-is-sit-around-and-do-nothing' topic.
"It's so unfair..." ladi-ladi-daa... "I'm so miserable..." nia-nia-nia.. "I don't get paid what I'm worth...." foo-foo-foo. "I can't stand my boss..." ikiti-pikiti-poo.. People seem to be miserable cause all you hear them do is talk impudently either about their so-called 'career' or their incompetent boss. They love to exhaust their words on them until they get everyone in their office/department to feel the same. And once everyone starts feeling abhorrently about the working conditions around their office then it seems to bring down their moral and motivational spirit, which tends to have a corrupting influence on everyone that they do business with. There's that common indolent(e.g. playing solitaire on their PCs) attitude that gets them nowhere, and only incites their boss to yell all day on why no work is getting done. There's a catch 22 in all of their reasoning - no qualitative work unless we get paid more, and no raise in pay unless we've worked. I guess that's why the GDP(gross domestic product) in the country seems to be so low.
Anyway, for improvement to exist there needs to be a cooperative spirit amongst employees in the company, and in order for them to feel that their work is worthwhile and deserves extra merit, managers need to concentrate on bringing out and positively compensating the skills of each employee in relation to his/her work.

The 'I-can-fit-a-bus/coach/tractor-trailer/buldozer-through-any-street' Syndrome

Have you ever observed a huge double decker coach or a tractor-trailer making its way through a narrow city street? If not, it's actually quite a feat to witness! It's almost like being in the circus and watching a trapeze artist somersaulting through the air. Or, like watching a high-wire act and trying to figure out how these performers actually do what they do. Well, these feats and many more can actually be witnessed without the price of a circus admission ticket; all you have to do is walk/drive out in the streets of Athens and you will most certainly encounter one of these giants. These behemoth monstrosities come in all types of shapes and colors, but the most common is the kind that is used to drive people around to different public locations. However, the crazy thing is that in order for them to reach their destination they are forced to go through the local city streets. As they do so the spaces between the coach(or bus) and the cars on either side of the road are but a hairpin apart. The drivers must have pinpoint accuracy in order to make it through. Yet there are times when drivers will carelessly park their cars and disregard any signs or road marks which pertain to buses. You can imagine the havoc and chaos that this creates. The buses in turn honk and continue to honk until there's no tomorrow. If no driver appears relatively soon then they try to get the vehicle towed so that the passengers aren't forced out and have to search for an alternate method to get to where they need to go. And then there are the bulldozers that obstruct the flow of traffic by creating a war zone on their way to a construction site. I've seen a couple actually scathe past a few cars(with sparks flying) without flinching even once. They're like tanks with a license to annihilate whatever gets in their way.
Ladies and gentlemen, the circus is back in town!!

God Forbid: God forbid you should honk back and aggravate one of those gargantuan beasts only to have their front blade push you off the side of the road. Never provoke something that's more than double the size of your car; you never know how they may react...

The 'Happy-new-year-inflation-markup' Syndrome

"Happy New Year everyone!!!" "May you get whatever it is you wish for.." "3......2....1.....0....Hurraayyyy!!" And then the day comes around and you go to the kiosk to buy a carton of milk, and when you go to pay for it, you suddenly hear the price and you think you might have a hearing problem; so you ask the kiosk owner to repeat the price to you, and then lo and behold the price is 50 cents over the price you were used to paying for it. And then you throw it back and go to the supermarket and you find out that the price has been marked-up there as well. The day continues on and you get awe struck at some of the things that you were normally used to paying and that now, the same people that wished you a 'happy-new-year' actually 'Yipiekaiyed' you up the butt with their 'markup-boot.'
What's their excuse, you say? "Well, it's a new year...so we have to follow the percentage spikes, and in order to leverage our businesses to meet the growing expenses that the government puts on us we have to shoot up our prices, etc, etc..." But what gets me the most out this yearly phenomenon is that Greece tends to raise the bar on what they feel should be the proper gradient for the inflationary percentage. Every aspect of business, both public and private, alter their prices to meet their own demands and not those of the populace. Tourism tends to suffer as a result, which causes foreigners to get hoodwinked into these price waves; and this causes Greece's reputation to worsen. But, who's to care? As long as the rich and powerful continue getting more mighty and the middle/lower classes become extinct(forcing some to flee like refugees), they feel they've got nothing to lose since they're(the government) part of the elite class of people who make the rules bend in their favor.
I recall going to the metro to go to work, and as I approached the ticket counter to pay for my ticket I overheard the person in front of me angrily shout at the guy for the 20 cent markup. And as he calmed his nerves he jokingly asked him(the ticket issuer), "I'm assuming this markup will mean that you guys will be getting paid more this year - right?" And the guy issuing the tickets laughed and said, "yeah, if only it were like that." "What a load of cr&p," I muttered to myself that morning; and on my way to work I reflected on what the guy had said and how unfair it is when you compare the compensation you receive from work. Anyway...enough of my whining.

The 'Galtsiotis' Syndrome

There was this guy I worked for in the 'Ericsson Hellas' building in Paiania whose name was(and still is I imagine) Galtsiotis. His fastidious behavior was one that made such an impression on me that I had to name this syndrome after him. He was a short chubby creature with legs no longer than his belly, which extended like two beat up 'kankles.' This condition made him walk with a slight gimp, and he always completed each of his steps with a strut that exhibited his wont for attention.. He had a slight hunchback growing out of the back of his neck that made him stoop over like an overgrown cane. His face was round, so round actually that it resembled a circle, and he had these shiny gold glasses that were custom-sized to fit his head, and which tinted according to the brightness of light that was in whatever room he was present in. You could say that he was almost an exact representation of the Hunchback of Notredam; but he only lacked the green clothing and the heavily protruding forehead. Anyway now that you got an idea of his physical appearance, it's time to shed some light on what made him so unique and the topic of my discussion for this post.
He always came down in the morning to sniff his grounds and greet everyone with his elongated - 'hello, how are you?' And as he said it his teeth sort of gnashed together and one of his eyes started twitching as if to indicate he was holding back something. Since we were outsourcing their services for building maintenance I was the one responsible for coordinating my company's vendors to do whatever job it was in relation to the needs that arose in the Ericsson building. So, in a sense, we were the liaison between Ericsson and the many other companies that serviced the building. Mr. Galtsiotis worked as the maintenance supervisor of Ericsson and overlooked our job with close scrutiny to make sure we weren't abusing their budget in anyway. Mr. Milionis, who was his supervisor, wielded him like a puppet and had him at the forefront of his evil plans to replace us with a different company to do our work. Even though it was a direct breach of contract, he had his right hand man to do his dirty work. And the strange(yet funny) thing was that Mr. Galtsiotis had no idea he was being used as a scapegoat. He just followed his orders and planted traps on us to make it look as if we didn't do our jobs. Or, he told other employees false rumors to make it look as though we were the bad guys. He was so meticulous and scrupulous with getting his job done that his snake-like maneuvers always seemed one step ahead of our own when we wanted to catch him in the act of doing his mischief. He was also aided his puppet master who was also the person that kept our contract with Ericsson alive. So, whether we liked it or not, we had to follow our doomed fate which was to wait until they hatched their plan to replace us. My main role was to try and renew the contract so that 10 other people including my own would still have a job by the end of the year.
We were sequestered into our own little space in the building until it came time for us to withdraw. And, lo and behold, that's what ended up happening; yet, we did manage to get in our last few punches of justice in before we officially departed. It just amazes me how certain people can put on different masks of persona to disguise themselves from their true nature, and use their insidious charm to intentionally do harm(leaving people with families unemployed) onto others.

God Forbid: God forbid for those who took over where we left off and have to put up with Galtsioti's syndrome and the 'anal-I'm-looking-your-shoulder-and-following-orders-to-find-some-dirt-on-you' attitude. I wish to God that their surreptitious guile backfires and their shame reaches Ericsson headquarters in Sweden.

The 'Cataclysmic-clash-of-the-ego-titans' Syndrome

If you've ever seen the 1981 mythology movie, "Clash of the Titans" which was based on the myth of Perseus, then you can fathom the intensity at which Perseus had to go through in order to rescue Andromeda from the mighty Kraken. He even had to battle it out with the gorgon Medusa in order to use its head as a weapon against the Kraken. Well, it's with that same intensity that has Greeks battling it out amongst their own kind. It is an ego trip the likes of which you have never seen, or will ever see as long as you live on planet Earth; unless of course you miraculously transcend the boundary of atmosphere that separates mankind from the Gods - like the Greeks like to think they do. They even like to place themselves on the same pedestal as the gods. So, every time you see two Greek people on the street(or wherever else they may be) arguing over who's right and who's more right, then try to displace yourself for a moment and picture yourself on Mt. Olympus with thunderbolts clashing on all sides. And there in front of you in one corner you have 'mr-i-am-as-powerful-as-Zeus' and in the other corner 'mr-i-am-the-one-who-made-Zeus,' and then the tirade of words flash before you with vitriolic fumes emanating as each collide with one another. It only stops once the victor chokes the other with more vitriol. Now snap out of it and come back to reality! Did you feel the power? If you're ever the unfortunate person to witness such an event just do yourself a favor(and the world's as well) by giving them a wake-up call, and to snap out of whatever world they think they dwell on. But yet again, to do so would mean that you have balls the size of an elephant's with pepper spray smothered all over.

God Forbid: God forbid you should get caught between a 'who's-right-argument' - it would be like playing the game 'monkey in the middle.' You'll never succeed in intercepting or stopping the interchange of cataclysmic clashes; unless of course you reside on Mt. Olympus... Then be my guest.... Otherwise you'll actually end up turning into a monkey(metaphorically for dead) by the time they're done.

The 'Everyone-has-the-same-nickname' Syndrome

Ella Malaka.. Vre Malaka... What's with calling people - 'malaka'? It's unavoidable, yet strangely enough I keep hearing it more and more now. The English equivalent of the word is 'wanker' but as you'll notice from the wiki-link that I included, the word could have more than one connotation to it, and depending on its context it could either be a bad form of profanity or a cool way to greet your friend.
I've always wondered why Greek people, by and large, forsake the usage of the person's first name and directly fallback on the widely used and stereotypically accepted nickname - malaka. I guess it's either because they have a really bad memory and feel the need to call everyone by the same name, or they must have this insurgent need that the world owes them something in return and so they exacerbate whomever they meet just so they can make themselves feel better. Whatever the case may be, the intonation of the word has a negative sounding appeal to it. I don't think anyone would welcome such a lewd, debasing label.
One day, on my way back from work, a seemingly polite person stopped to ask me for directions. At the time I was new to the area and my Greek speaking abilities were somewhat lacking. As I started speaking to him with my profound English accent I noticed that the guys face started to distort itself from a mild smile to a strikingly deformed grimace. I presumed that I must have had something on my hair or I must have forgotten to comb it that day. But contrary to my presumption, he started to scoff me and say, "ante vre Amerikanaki...den ehw oli mera;" and that's when I heard it directed at me for the first time. He waved his hand off at me in an aggressive manner and blurted "ante vre Malaka..." and then took off mumbling a slur of words out loud that -at the time- I couldn't put two and two together. He suddenly turned from being a somewhat pleasant fellow to a beast in less than a minute.

God Forbid: God forbid you should ever get yourself mixed up in the 'malaka-loop.' This happens when both parties end-up exchanging the term until the victor comes out gratified in having said it more times and with more gusto/pazazz. There is no object to the game; only the fact that both start ridiculing themselves with 'malaka-gestures' until their mouth gets tongue-tied through wear and tear of the word. It's actually a scene to behold...

The 'Annoyingly-loud- and-intrusivly-obnoxious-in-your-face' Syndrome

If you're accustomed to having your own personal space and feeling content with people living in harmony and being polite and having courteous manners etc, etc... Well, I've got news for you - you ain't in Kansas anymore!!! So wake up and smell the coffee cause you're in GREECE - G,R,E,E,C,E. People here love to get up close and personal without warning you that they're about to. They seem to act as though you're some kind of transparent obstacle that they have to get around. They neglect to consider you as some fellow human who's taking up part of the same space that they are. Not only that, but when you are occupying that same space and they suddenly nudge you and walk right by you, they fail to utter the most crucial words - 'excuse me, or pardon me'. They have this hard outer shell that's programmed to bounce off whatever is in their path. It would mean a world of difference if they could just put those words into their vernacular. However, I do have to admit, there are those rare moments that when you've fallen down or are in dire need that their outer shell breaks away to reveal their empathetic side.
If you ever counter their 'aura of omnipotence' and blurt out some spontaneous remark like, "hey, watch it buddy...or, hhheeeellllloooo," then you're in for a rude awakening. You'll need to come prepared with a pair of earplugs or else you'll feel the reverberation of their wrath echo through your bones.. Somehow the Greek mouth transcends the maximum decibel(above 160) of sound that the normal human can produce, so beware. Their no holds bared approach usually entices others nearby to participate. And this is usually no good cause then you're going to need some sort of life raft to save you out of the situation. So...how do you avoid such confrontation? Just follow this one rule and you should do just fine: Ruullsah(mister Miaggi style) number 1: never..ever argue with a Greek.. You'll lose hands down.. Even if you're in the right and ten other witnesses saw you, you're still wrong to them and they'll lyingly prove it to you.
For some reason they have this time-bomb mechanism in their character that's just waiting to explode on whoever tries to burst their vain little bubble. I remember when a guy on his motorcycle maneuvered past me and yanked off the right car door mirror and stopped a foot or so ahead of me as if nothing had happened. I approached him with the car and told him "what the f&$k is wrong with you!" He turned around and said, "well, you should've made more room for me." Immediately after that he took off with a wheelie, and before I could even turn my head he was gone. Then I muttered some curse words out loud and everybody was looking at me all weird and stuff. Oh well, I'm sure everyone in my situation would've done something along the same lines. Anyway, I'm glad I got that out of my system -once again. I hope that guy who did that to my car is reading this and feels some remote sense of guilt about what he did. But, then again, who am I kidding - Greeks have no conscience.

God Forbid: God forbid you should ever find yourself trapped in an elevator with three Greeks trying to settle the 'who-did-it' argument. You'll probably be the first to find an escape hatch; and even when you do get out, you'll probably hear them still arguing.

The 'Come-last-cut-first' Syndrome

If you've ever waited in line, which most likely you have(due to the 'red tape' that exists everywhere), then you know the 'child's play' behavior that goes on when Greeks attempt to form a line. Usually you'll notice -if you've ever had to wait behind a long line- that the people who tend to come in last try and find ways to get between the disorderly line. They take advantage of the disorder since they know that that's how they'll fool people into believing that they were in line before them. What do I mean when I mention the word disorder? Well, think of a nice and orderly line arranged in sequential fashion. Then think of a glob of people(jumbled mess) looking over each others shoulder, one on top of the other(or even across from each other). Get the picture? There's no line cause people are so intent on being first that they sly their way(like snakes) through pretending that they're next. The line formation tends to look lopsided in the sense that everyone is scattered sideways and straddling their arms as if trying to create some blockade that no one can pass through. It's a sickening experience, and when you have to deal with this behavior on a daily basis it's even worse than before, because as each day passes you get the feeling that there are more and more people showing up.
As a result of their childishness, public service locations have installed ticket issuing machines so that each person who comes in gets his/her number and waits for his/her turn. But even these machines don't always create the order that you expect them to, since Greek people have found ways of manipulating others to give them their ticket in exchange for something that is usually not true. I remember trying to catch the line early in the morning one day when Greece's national bank('Ethniki') first opens up. When I got there, there was a mob of people waiting outside. After 5 minutes the Bank opened up its front gates and let everyone in. I had to wait 15 minutes till everyone went through to pick up their seating number. Once I got there and pushed the button a white slip came out of the machine with the number - 107. The tellers were servicing number 6, so I had to wait another 2 hours until my turn came around. As I waited a group of young kids came in and did the same thing. They pressed the button on the machine and they got a print-out of 307. They sneered at everyone and yelled out loud: "we'll be seeing you next week then cause there's no way in hell that you're going to get through with another 220 people while we wait around here like a bunch of turtles!" There insolence was quite audacious and blunt, but as I sat back and contemplated about what they said, they did have a point about the way the system worked as far as how the tellers were lackadaisical with the customers. And also, how the customers too took advantage of this by starting to converse with them about their personal lives, not minding the fact that 300 people are waiting behind them. Not only that but they also had them do trivial things -besides the job that they went there to do for that day- like look up their balance, or print out another copy of their account - the list goes on and on...

God Forbid: God forbid you should ever have to go to the national bank of Greece every day and have to go through what I described above. I think you'll eventually lose your mind and do what those youngsters did.

The 'I-presumed-and-therefore-I-misunderstood' syndrome

One of the most commonly used words that you'll hear Greek people using is, 'misunderstand.' Why is it that so many Greeks misunderstand each other? Simple, they tend to go beyond the proper limits and venture forth -without authority or permission, mind you- with daring assumptions of what the other person(s) is doing/saying before they actually do or say anything. If you've ever heard Greek people speak you'll notice from time to time that as the other person is listening he/she will start gesturing and nodding in an exaggerated way and then cut off the other person who is speaking right at the point where he/she wants to stress the most crucial bit of information. These self-proclaimed prognosticators actually do more harm than good, because what they end up doing is prioritizing their own viewpoint(s) over and above that of the other person's viewpoint. This leads to a feud of misunderstandings, until they both reach a point where they can't agree on anything. However, there are those who apologize for jumping the gun and end up listening fully to what the other person has to say.
The worst forms of misunderstanding usually occurs with those who listen or observe what the other person is doing/saying and then after -once all is said and done- keeps his/her own speculation about what that person did or said. They don't reveal their presuppositions until they reach a point where they feel the need to act on what they had speculated(it could be a day, a week, or even a year later). And that's when things usually get dirty, because those who have reservations for the other person put on their offensive gloves and start an all out attack. Whereas the other person who is completely unaware of what's gotten into him/her tries to make appeals and settle whatever unfounded information was based on hearsay. Their chagrin could have been avoided if the person who envisaged such false deductions didn't do so in the first place.
I recall one situation when my friend saw me in a gloomy mood one day and we talked about something relating to work. The next day he mistakenly assumed that I had implied something negative to him personally by the way my disposition was. And this offset his thinking and made him inclined to think critically of me. And so, it took me a while to calm him down and make him understand that my gloom was directed at something else.

Analogy: I've got the power of the Force, and I can read your thoughts before you even speak..hahaha.

God Forbid: God forbid you should be the first one to mutter some rhetorical question at someone. Not only will they answer it but they might imply something from it and it might eventually backfire on you. So, take my advice and keep whatever it is that you're going to say(or don't say) to yourself.

The 'Smoke-like-a-chimney-in-all-public-places' Syndrome

It is an irrefutable fact that Greeks are the largest per-person consumers of cigars and cigarettes. See the proof for yourselves.. Greeks are the undisputed champions when it comes to smoking, but the most annoying aspect of their smoking is when they completely disregard others(non-smokers) in public spaces, which are usually smoke-free environments to begin with. Not only that but what gets me(by the way I'm a non-smoker if you haven't noticed already) really uptight is when a Greek person lords it over himself that the habit is actually the trend nowadays and that everybody should do it. I feel like taking that person and ripping up his lungs in front of him so that he can see the black soot that he has amassed for himself. He'd probably be so thickheaded that he wouldn't even think twice about quitting.
To explain what instigates this behavior requires some knowledge of some of the factors that get the person involved in the habit. One attributing factor for the cause of this behavior is that people are so overwhelmed by the stressful conditions that are so prevalent here that they need some 'fix'(or drug) to cure their woes. This usually occurs when people are sent to train in Greece's armed forces. The training there must be so barbaric that people don't care if they live or die. So by choosing the slow death(smoking) they are content with their lot in life.
Another reason might be from peer pressure. There seem to be too many nit-witted youngsters who are swayed into thinking that it's the 'cool' thing to do. They fancy the fact that those who are getting the most attention are the ones who are puffing their life away one smoke at a time. So, when that time comes and they're offered a smoke, they reply back with the brain fart, "sure, why not."
Last but not least is the 'gas chamber.' If you ever find yourself in a cafe or club late at night, then you know what I'm talking about. When you enter one of these places the fumes encircle you, enticing you to cough and get into the atmosphere of things by slowly inhaling and becoming one with the smoke. Before you know it you're so soaked up in it that when you leave the place you actually come out looking as though you were suddenly torched by fire and then all of a sudden someone grabs a fire extinguisher and 'walla' - no more. The after affect of that metaphor I just used makes the person come out looking and smelling like a cigarette, except that he/she don't have any burning ash on their heads - only toxic smoke emanating from his/her head and clothes. If somebody got into the routine of doing this every evening for about a year or two(if he's still alive), then chances are that that person would most likely get tempted into the habit.
Another behavior that I find quite interesting is how Greek people try to light up the road with their cigarette butts, which they passively throw out of their windows while they are driving. If you're driving at night it almost looks like a fireworks display. Sparks start flying from all directions. Every time I see them pass through the underside of my car I get the feeling that my car is going to catch on fire and suddenly explode. Heeellloooo...have you ever heard of the ashtray in your car!!!
They say that in 2010 Greece will enforce smoke-free zones in all public locations. I highly doubt that Greeks will conform fully to these changes. They are so set in the status quo mentality that they can't afford to change their ways and make the world a better place. Well, let's hope that I'm wrong and they actually do end up taking it in their stride.

God Forbid: God forbid any Greeks should smoke in front of their children and make themselves appear as role models for them to follow. It's enough that we make our own lives into a cigarette butt that we just toss out of the car, but let's not throw away our children's lives along with ours.

The 'Java-Craze' Syndrome

Before going to work; before kissing the wife in the morning(or the other way around); before opening ones mouth to speak; Ones first order of business is COOOFFFEEE!!! It may sound like an overstatement but go outside one day early in the morning and notice/observe what people are doing. Usually they're either holding a 'to-go' frappe/espresso or cappuccino, or they're waiting in line at their favorite coffee(or pastry) shop. It's so ingrained in their brain circuitry that it's superseded by nothing, and its priority is above and beyond everything and anything; except cigarettes of course, but usually the two go hand in hand(see also my post on the 'smoke-like-a-chimney-in-all-public-places' Syndrome).
Perhaps their tenacity to stick to such high dosages of caffeine is directly related to their high-strung, flippant behavior. This jaunty and easily excited side to them makes them oftentimes act presumptuously and say things that might get others to misunderstand them(see also the 'I-presumed-and-therefore-I-misunderstood' Syndrome). Another side affect of this overindulgence in caffeine makes their tongue shoot out words like an automatic machine gun with endless bullets. That's why if you've ever been caught in this loquacious cross-fire you better find a way to get yourself out. Unless you're a glutton for punishment and want to incite a headache, be my guest.
Maybe it's the complications that Greeks put themselves under which makes them so volatile. Most Greeks that I know work more than two jobs. How they manage to do so is beyond me. Add to that also the bureaucratic black hole that Greeks love to get sucked in on and you've got a system that's structured to drive you insane. So, to deal with that insanity you have to take some kind of legally accepted drugs.

God Forbid: God forbid you should ever add to your staple diet of caffeine a dose of 'Red Bull.' You'll probably alter time to the point where the earth will look like it's standing still. Just be careful not to get behind the wheel if you're ever in such an high state of mind.

The 'I-object-so-I-strike' Syndrome

It almost seems like a daily occurrence now that every time you turn on the news you see groups of people protesting in the streets of Athens. Most of the time the people that strike feel that they have their rights violated in some way or another. Here are some reasons that I can think of why Greeks might get the urge to strike:

"My co-worker gets 5 euros more than me per month and he does the exact same job as I do."
"It's Friday tomorrow so let's make it a three-day weekend."
"The other guy said so and it sounds like it applies to me too."
"The prime minister wore a green shirt on national TV the other day and my patriotic values oppose that careless disregard of disloyalty to the country. He should have worn blue! How could he?"
"The media said some blasphemous things that might inadvertently apply to me...so I object."
"The government said they would give us a tax break, but they didn't, so I'm going to rally up all the garbage collectors and make them stink up the city like a landfill."
"The government is getting some underhanded black-commissions in their pockets and I want a piece of that too. So, I'm going to go to 'Syntagma' tomorrow and give them a piece of my mind."

The list can go on and on, yet the obvious commonality is that people's supercilious objections are childish and with selfish intent. Even though people's claims may be warranted they have to consider that they're up against a system that's largely the result of something that they themselves have created. When Greeks in power possess their 'powers that be' they feel like that statue that's carrying the world on its shoulders. When Greeks start buzzing about like a herd of infinitesimally miniature flies the most that they can do is to make it sneeze. Sure, they made their presence known and maybe they did create a subtle 'ripple' of change in whatever it was that they wanted to have changed; but, usually the 'ripple' of change is so minimal and so insignificant that it fades away into oblivion only to bestir another future wave of intolerant flies.
Sometimes these strikes might lead to uncontrolled riots, in which case the government musters up its troops(the malevolent police) in order to protect its own interests. Oftentimes this leads to fits of violence. As a consequence of this, a lot of public property gets vandalized and sometimes people get injured.

Analogy: We are 'GreekWalkers' with 'GrekoChlorians' in our system, so you can't mess with us! When we don't agree with what you have say you better get your lightsaber(lighsword) out cause we're about to have a dual..

God Forbid: God forbid the president of the US(or other dignitaries for that matter) should be here during the time that an out-of-control riot just happens to be in the works. The US might think that it's an issue of national security and send its troops over to weather the storm - or maybe even cause a greater storm to come about.

The 'Carwalk/DoublePark-hazard-light' Syndrome

Have you ever been forced to walk on a narrow street only because there were cars parked along the sidewalk? Did you ever have to drive onto opposing traffic only because there were a row of cars with their hazard lights turned on blocking your lane?
Well, you're not the only one.. Greeks tend to think of the excuse: 'well, there are so many cars - what can you doooo aboouutt itt.' So they take their own liberal laws into their own hands and act as the 'chief of police.'
I recall on one occasion when I was walking down a broad sidewalk(the road was actually narrower than the sidewalk) when all of a sudden I came to a point that no matter how far my eyes could take me all I could see were cars parked along either sides of the road. It was almost as if my eyes were deceiving me because it looked as though the cars were piled on top of each other; but later as i approached I realized that it wasn't the case. The cars were so closely packed that not even a baby could fit between them. I wondered at the time "how in God's name did they ever manage to open their doors and get out?" Well I guess if you've been trained in the Greek circus(society -lol) you know how to swing your way between the lines. Anyway, later I realized as I approached my destination I started to hear crowds cheering frantically over something. It dawned on me that there was a soccer game that day, and the stadium was only a couple of kilometers away. I felt like I was put in a simulated matrix 'game' - the cars that came at me were like raging bullets. I had to jump on some cars a few times to avoid being killed. Boy, if only the British police(or US) were here... They would have had a field day with towing the cars away. And I would have given everything to see the reaction on those people's faces when they returned to pick up their cars.
When Greek people turn on their hazard lights they not only become a hazard(threat) to the person driving behind them but to the whole area surrounding them. It's like when they turn it on they feel like their Gods. They go into this God-mode state and do whatever it is that pleases them. I recall one frustrating moment when a Greek person decided to create his own little island in the middle of the street. Both sides were honking like mad-dogs at him since they couldn't get through. The guy casually got out of his car with his pajamas still on and went across the street to a coffee shop. He waved his palms indicating that he was only going to be a moment. The peoples nerves were so shot out of proportion - and rightly so - that all I could hear from my car was a savage chorus of profanity being spewed into the air. After five minutes or so the guy decided to come out and get back to his car. What marveled me the most however was the fact that he was completely ignorant to the whole mayhem around him. He just sipped his coffee and went on his merry way..
These two baffling(and annoying) behaviors that Greeks display is something of a mystery to me. They act like some godsend remedy to the rest of society, and that their doing them a favor by acting this way. Well, on the contrary, i hate to disagree but I'm going to have to play devil's advocate here cause it's just so unbearable having to deal with something like this on a daily basis. Ok, maybe not as tragic as the examples I brought out, but close to it. By the way, the aforementioned examples are a true story - cross my fingers and hope to die.

Analogy: The 'Jedi' are known to move objects by focusing 'the forces' energy and directing it to where they want. They have this omnipotent way of manipulating things according to the bidding of the 'the force' that they neglect to see what's around them - they're solely focused on moving that object and whatever else(opposing force) gets in their way. In a similar way, Greeks tend to focus so much on what they want to do(be it shopping or some other form of entertainment) that they completely ignore the world around them. And they do it in a way that denotes that they have exclusive power in whatever it is that they're doing.

God Forbid: God forbid we should be on the verge of a global catastrophe and we're ordered to evacuate the country and follow the road that leads to a safe haven. I think Greece would be the only country without an escape route. Why? Well there wouldn't be a way to get out after the Greek farmers abandon and park their tractors, and decide to go on vacation. I imagine that in a time of crisis Greeks would want to get their last form of entertainment in before they saw everything crumble.

The 'Drive-like-Mad Max' syndrome

Whether it's your first time driving here or you're a seasoned professional you'll know then that driving comes with a price. The price of a godly measure of patience coupled with the audacity of a kamikaze driver. If you can mix those two ingredients into your character then you'll do just fine.
Venture out into the streets during a busy day and you'll be inevitably confronted by all sorts of hazards. One thing you just can't get enough of is the over-abundance of cars, cars, cars, and more cars. There are enough cars for the whole world to drive...and some. As a result almost all the streets in Athens are congested with traffic. Speaking of which, I don't know why the news people on the radio report on traffic. Instead of specifying two or three roads that people use to get to work, they should make it easy on themselves and just say 'all of the roads in Athens.'
Another obstacle that you have to somehow avoid are 'the never ending construction sites.' Greeks love to live like sardines, so they keep building and building until they find somewhere they haven't built yet; or, they tear down something they've built and build on top of it. Do you think I used the word 'build' enough times? Anyway, the obstructions that some of these sites create close off roads and force people to have to either wait(until somebody decides to redirect traffic) or drive in reverse. People too create obstacles.. Greek people jaywalk all the time.. They create their own crosswalks wherever they feel is necessary. And they love to take on the role of a crossing-guard. They just stick their hand out and stop whatever car is in their way.
If you've ever seen the Mad-Max movies you'll know what characteristic of driving I'm alluding to. These post-apocalyptic marauding bands drive like a blaze of fury through the desert reeking disaster on whoever is in close proximity to them. Their cars look like armored vehicles and are equipped with all sorts of weaponry designed to impose heavy damage on whatever it is that they have their target on. Greeks too drive like they want to pillage and step on whoever is in their path of destruction. But, most of the time this chaos is the result of those who want to follow the path of least resistance and drive like the racers in the movie, 'Fast and the Furious.' Or, better yet, maybe i should use the term - Fast and the stupidly dangerous' to better describe the situation. It's as if they have some uncanny sixth sense of avoiding conflict and dodging everything that's in their way. However, what they don't realize is that this driving behavior is the cause of all the mess(accidents, traffic, etc..) we see out in the streets today. I recall parking my car in a Alloy's big parking lot, and as I got out I saw a car in the distance fishtailing a bunch of figure eights as if his tail caught on fire. The smell of smoke and burning rubber filled the air. After they felt they had enough they left the scene and filled the air with their putrid stench the sound of sardonic laughter accompanied them. I felt like picking up a couple of stones and tossing it at those hillbillies but then I thought it over again and knew that it would have been a waste of time; so I got back in my car and rode off not bothering to stick around.

Analogy: There's a scene in the movie star Wars where Anakin Skywalker jumps out of a flying hovercraft in order to chase a villain. On his way down he avoids getting hit as he swiftly glides through the air through multiple layers of hovercrafts. This death-defying act is a piece of cake for Anikin though since he has the power of the force. I believe there's a similar conceptual environment of the future and the way that cars would evolve in the movie, 'the Fifth Element.' Now, if you compress all those layers of traffic into one you are confronted with non other than the Greek driving condition. It would be a miracle if they can implement those layers here; but even if they one day succeed in doing so, the people on the ground would have to watch out for falling cars.

God Forbid: God forbid you should ever find yourself injured and stranded and in need of a paramedic. The ambulance will probably arrive late to pick you up, and the trip back to the hospital would probably be just as bad, if not worse.

The 'Find-a-foreigner-and-play-dumb-not-caring-of-any-consequences' syndrome

Since this blog is written in reverse chronological order it would be good for those who are joining us for the first time to quickly skim or peruse the previous posts in order to catch up with certain lingo that i might be using in my most recent entries. Or, feel free to find a 'Syndrome" that is of interest to you from the Archive section at the top of the left sidebar. After my first(2nd par. below) personal account -since it was one of the most tragically vivid experiences of my Greek encounters- the topics that I'll deal with will be more randomized and won't necessarily adhere to a sequential time line. Speaking of encounters, maybe I should have entitled this post as: "close encounters of the third kind." Just kidding...

I can still vividly recall my first encounter when I first arrived here four years ago. It was during the Olympic games and the mascot banners were being advertised everywhere. The Greek pride could be felt and heard even minutes before I landed with the plane. When I got to the luggage claim area I automatically became victim to a scene of utter havoc that inevitably immersed my mind into a state of panic. I couldn't believe the overwhelming feeling I got when I saw a mob of people screaming at the customs officer who was inspecting some property that obviously belonged to the person who was most adamantly yelling above the others. I had to push my way through the bestirred crowd in order to wait my turn. It wasn't before long that a person approached me and offered to take my stuff, and in exchange he would help me bypass the inspection area and get me to where I wanted to go. At the time I remember thinking it was too good to be true. Boy, if only I can go back in time to smack myself upside the head...lol Anyway, to make a long story short I was escorted by this gentleman to his vehicle when all of a sudden I noticed that one of my handbags was missing... It didn't take very long for me to figure out that he had taken off with it once he had the added advantage(when I was putting the carriage for the luggage back in place).. But yet again I was new to the climate; how was I suppose to know I was being insidiously taken advantage of. At the time, it took a while for me to get over the stun(I must have stood there like a statue for about an hour), but eventually when I got to my senses a cavalcade of cars kept lining up to pick people up; so I called for one and made my way into the streets of Athens.

You'll find that this syndrome tends to be the case with most taxi drivers here in Greece who've tried to swindle money from foreigners not caring if word leaks out about it in the media. All they care about is getting their two cents' worth in their pockets and neglecting the fact that the whole country's reputation gets trashed to bits when news about the event gets publicized worldwide. There's also the classic case of the Greek kiosk owners who are known to look for opportunities to markup their items when they see foreigners who are interested in buying their products.
Analogy: This would be similar to the Jedi mind trick. The Jedi have the power by use of the force to manipulate people's minds into doing their bidding. Greeks seem to have some form of extraordinary perception of figuring people out and getting them to do anything it is that they want them to do(usually illegal stuff).

The topic structure of this blog and what to look out for.

My previous post laid out the purpose of what this blog is about; and that from hereon all the material that will be contributed by myself and others will be non objectionable and non biased in nature. I make this pledge public so that everyone understands that I will not go contrary to what I've stated. I want my word to be clear so that if anyone thinks that I'm being a racist or trying to downplay or undermine my own race he/she needs to think again. I will personally edit out any objectionable material that i find. Think of my anecdotal messages as a wholesome form of gossip, nothing more. I know I'm repeating some of the phraseology from my previous post(the Greek Wars have just begun) but that's done intentionally so that I can help to inculcate the message even more so into the minds of the readers. Ok, so now that that's out of the way and taken care of let me explain to you how I've organized this blog for your convenience. In order to make my archive more searchable I'll index the topic of each entry with a title that characterizes the pattern of Greek behavior. Each one will include the word 'syndrome' followed by an assigned observational attribute which I'll label in order to allude to the characterization that I want to further talk about in the body of the text that follows. Please bear in mind that each syndrome doesn't necessarily mean that it encompasses the whole Greek population but it might pertain to a certain demographic or scope of people. When I want to make an analogy to the parallel 'Star Wars' world(which I'll do in the beginning since not every syndrome will contain a parallel analogy) I'll always start the paragraph or sentence with the word 'analogy:' and it will always be in boldface so as to make it more discernible. I will also try to include a 'What if' or 'God forbid' section in each entry, and those will also be highlighted in the same way. Below I've explained some of the 'Star Wars' terminology so as to make the analogy sections more readable. This analogy is mainly intended so as to lay out the structural framework for my posts. It acts like a backdrop on the stage where my posts will be performing. I hope that this idea will be on the back of your minds as you read each of my posts and that you will create your own analogies as an offshoot to the foundation that I'm trying to build on. So, be sure and post them underneath mine. I hope you don't find my viewpoints patronizing in anyway.. I just want to make this blog as amusing as possible - so bear with me..
It's time to layout the settings in our figurative world.... First, I will highlight what parallel representations exist between the Greek world and that of the Star Wars world, so that whatever few references I make later on won't be confused as something else. All Greeks(including infants) fall under the 'Jedi' category and all foreigners living in Greece are 'Padawan learners' or Jedi apprentices(for more details check out the online wookiepeedia: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Main_Page It's the complete online star wars encyclopedia). These Padawan learners will always remain at this level since they can never master the force(see below) and since there is no "midichlorian" count in their bodies(intelligent microscopic life forms that lived symbiotically inside the cells of all living things). The all-time-favorite "lightsaber" or lasersword that Jedi warriors weild is what keeps them alive in battle or when up against other Jedi warriors. Well, I like to compare this "lightsaber" to the Greek tongue, and whatever else Greeks use(e.g. hands & arms - mannerisms) to survive in the chaotic environment with which they find themselves in. If you think about it for a moment you'll understand what an intrinsic tool it is for them. 'The Force'or ubiquitous power that surrounds and penetrates the Star Wars world can be contrasted by the prevailing Greek surroundings that make up everything(aninimate or inanimate)we breathe and touch. It resides everywhere and is omnipresent only within the confines of Greece. For all practical purposes we'll mostly be dealing with the 'light side' of 'The Force' and not its dual counterpart the 'dark side.' Well now that we've covered some of the lexical basics that we'll be using throughout some of my initial posts, the hour has come where I'll be relating to you some of my first 'Jedi' encounters. Until then, stay tuned for my next post.

The Greek Wars have just begun...

This blog will be one of heated debate since my posts might be banned by the general Greek public or they may typically be ignored or misunderstood, which I'm hoping will be the case. Or perhaps, they may even be amusing to some and cause some to have a laugh or two; in this case then I'm content knowing that somebody out there finds my stuff somewhat entertaining. Those to whom might have a common understanding about that which I'm about to disclose will be those whose mindset was predisposed to another region or local - typically that of the U.S since that is where I grew up. Before I lay forth the purpose and content of this site I would like to make a few things clear so that no one out there thinks that my intentions are to solicit anything that might be otherwise labeled/qualified as sensitive or biased in nature.

The posts that will follow this one will be mainly to lay the groundwork for the discussions that will inevitably ensue as a result of what I'd like to call, the "domino effect." This term will have greater meaning of course once the tide(s) have shifted and headway is made on the intended purpose of this blog. There will be debates and peoples' views will vary, but I'm not the one who will act as judge over whatever matter may spawn; I'll just offer my views and opinions like everybody else and try to steer the discussion toward another interesting topic that might be of interest to those who will contribute to this blog. My posts will essentially be innocuous and neutral and try to target those living in Greece as well as expatriates living abroad. I will also be providing many anecdotes from an observational point of view; sharing many of the experiences/adventures that I've had since my repatriation to Greece four years ago. Much of what I say may also be in the form of metaphors or some symbolic language that will help the reader visualize it in more detail.

So, now that all is said and done let's get to the heart of the matter: what is this blog going to be all about? Well, to answer that I've already given you a clue from the title of this blog. Also, the URL address(the "GreekJedi") plays a role in the overall ideology of the world that I'm symbolically trying to use to parallel ours(the everyday system in which we live, be it political, social, educational, etc..) to the one I've so clearly alluded to before using the oxymoron, "GreekJedi." For all you Star Wars fans out there you know exactly what I'm talking about; however, for those of you who don't have a clue about George Luca's acclaimed Sci-fi movies/books, don't worry, I'll fill you in on the terminology as we move along. To sum it up in a few words, this blog is a wholesome form of gossip coming from an outsider to help Greeks understand and see their world as outsiders do. Now this trek may be a perilous one and many may find my views to be prejudice and slanderous but please rest assured that my intentions are not so(as I've stated in the previous paragraph). How could I betray my actual bloodline? My parents are Greek, which makes me 100% Greek; so, why would I try to oppose myself - it's ludicrous! In other words, whatever "would-be" discriminatory statement it is that you think I'm making, I'm also including myself in the equation. I just want to address some extraterrestrial factors of Greek behavior which normally would seem alien to most people, and see what can be done in order to adjust the general "attitudes" out there that might be a cause for all the havoc and turmoil out there. It has often been said that in order to correct a ubiquitously recognized problem one has to consider the units or ingredients which make up the problem. And that would be none other than ourselves. If we don't change than we can't expect society to change either. Hopefully, with that said, I've pretty much summarized what this blog will be about. But I don't want anyone to misunderstand me up till now. I'm not claiming to be a psychologist or some PHD professional who's an expert on behavioral/social science. I'm just a normal guy trying to send a statement in the form of a dewdrop; hoping that it'll hit whatever watery surface and echo its ripples of hope. Now, I know that my underlying message for "overall change" may seem overexagurated or to many a bit of a hyperbole; but who's to know what may be the result if someone doesn't actually try.

So, now its time to think outside the box by starting our blogging journey at the "point of entry" - my arrival to Greece and some of the culture shocks that I had to endure over the years, and some of which I'm still enduring. However, to think outside the box would mean that you have to be open-minded to whatever it is that I'm going to say, and yet I know that most Greeks tend to favor the "stiff-minded" approach to things by sticking to the mentality of the: whatever-I-was-born-with-I'll-stick-to-that mentality. For example, "I was born a Greek Orthodox and I'll die as one too." As you noticed in my above expression about Greek mentality I used a hyphenated compound word; I'll be using a lot more throughout my posts in this blog, so stay tuned. You may also notice many spelling and grammar mistakes as well, and since I don't have a personal editor to make any corrections I apologize ahead of time in hopes that the intended meaning may come across as legible. However if that doesn't do the trick either then write back to me and tell me what it was that was befuddling you. Bye for now...